I expect her to breathe a sigh of relief and maybe reach out for a reassuring hug. I don't anticipate that she will begin to sob, clutching her hands over her distraught face. "I'm so sorry," she says. "All of this is my fault. I've ruined everything."
"Luna," I whisper, rising to sit on the bed next to her and pulling her against my chest. "You haven't ruined a thing. Don't you know that we'd do it all over again just to have that time to love you? None of us would change a thing."
"But I'm having a baby and I don't even know which of you is the father."
"It doesn't matter which of us is the father. We'll all treat the child as our own." As soon as I’ve spoken the words, I know them to be true. This baby might not have been planned but it will be loved. Of that I am certain.
She twists her face from my chest, blinking up at me with eyes surrounded by makeup smudges. Even blotchy and messy, she's still the prettiest girl I've ever seen. "You will?"
"Of course. We love each other like brothers. We love you. We'll love the baby if that's what you decide."
"You will?"
Pressing a soft kiss onto her forehead, I stroke away the tendrils of damp hair from her cheeks. "We will. But what about your tour? What about your career? How do you feel about all this?"
Luna closes her eyes and shakes her head. "I love singing, Hudson. I really do. It's the thing that brings me the most joy, but the touring, the fame, the psycho assholes…those parts just make me sad."
"What are you saying, honey?"
"I want this baby, Hudson. I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything. If you guys aren't ready to step in and be fathers, I'll understand. This isn't exactly a normal situation, and I'm sure that some of the guys will have a problem not knowing who the biological father is. I just…I don't want anyone to feel trapped. What we had was convenient at the time, but this is a lifelong commitment."
I snort, hugging her closer. "Nothing about being with you was about convenience. It was about desire and longing, and eventually about care and love. We would never have walked away if we didn't think it was what was best for you. The past few days, we've been walking around London like half-dead men."
"You have?"
"We have."
Her arms wrap around me more tightly, and a small sigh leaves her lips. "I missed you all so much."
"We missed you too, honey."
"Those new bodyguards weren't a patch on you guys."
"Now that, I'm glad to hear."
Swatting me on the shoulder, Luna smiles broadly. Our eyes meet, and then our lips, and I kiss my girl long and slow and deep. I kiss her so that she can feel how much I love her. I kiss her so our unborn child will know too.
And when I feel that I've made my boys wait long enough without news, I put a single message on our group chat—Luna's pregnant. We're going to be daddies. And I wait for six heads to explode!
32
LUNA
I’m pregnant.
I still can’t believe it. The doctor’s words didn’t register at first. It was only when he left that it hit me.
A wave of panic so strong that it stole my breath until Hudson held me close and told me everything I needed and wanted to hear.
I’m pregnant, and it’s going to change everything. If I’m well enough, I might be able to finish this tour, but the timings for recording another album will be difficult, and who knows if Blueday will be interested in continuing to push my career. Do I even want them to?
I know there are women out there who are moms and still killing it in their careers. There are pop stars and celebrities who take their kids with them on tour and somehow manage to do it all. I’m sure they have a lot of help, which is fine. I’m sure they feel torn between the two loves in their life because how could they not?
I felt torn enough when Connor and my boys were forced to leave me. I felt torn over whether I should pursue my career or pursue the men that I wanted. I guess when it came down to it, I just didn’t feel secure enough about their feelings for me. But now Hudson has told me they love me. He’s told me they would want to be there for the baby, and he said it all in a way that didn’t feel as though it was pressuring me to do anything.
He acknowledges that the decision about the baby has to be mine. What he doesn’t know is that I would have wanted to have my baby whether my men wanted me to or not.