Strings Attached

Nah, I’m good. You guys have fun, I replied.

I had exactly twenty dollars I was giving myself to spend tonight, and I wasn’t wasting it on food when I had perfectly good Top Ramen in my apartment.

Wanna chill later?

I’m gonna spend my night at a bar where I’ll hopefully find a pretty boy to take me home.

Ross was straight, but he wasn’t one of those dude bros who acted all weird about gay stuff. I could talk to him about hot guys just as much as he did to me about girls. It was just how he rolled.

Ha-ha. Have fun. He added a smile emoji.

I plan on it. I went with a devil one.

Since it would be hectic this weekend, I dialed Mom just in case I didn’t get to later. Molly answered. “Hey, Molls.”

“Zander! What’s up, teach? I made you a graduation card. Did you get it?”

My heart swelled. “Not yet. That’s so cool, though. Thanks.”

I was glad I’d been able to land a teaching job in an Atlanta suburb. I’d tried to get one in Placerville, though I fucking hated my hometown. Bad memories, mean kids and shit like that. Luckily, I’d only be two hours away from them.

“Are you excited?” Molly asked next.

“I am. And once I get to Atlanta, I’ll get to see you more often too. I miss you, Bug.” Molly loved ladybugs, so that was my nickname for her.

“I miss you too…but you know I’m twelve now, right? I’m too old to be Bug.”

“You’re never too old to be my bug.”

“I really do miss you,” she added.

I tried not to let the guilt get to me for leaving. I was showing Molly she could achieve her dreams, whether that was college or not. That even if Mom and our asshole father had never found what made them happy—though I was fairly certain Dad had in the form of numerous women—that I could, which meant she could too.

“I know. I’m gonna come see you guys before I head to Atlanta.”

My sister and I chatted for a bit before Mom got on the phone.

“I’m so proud of you, Zander.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“I’m sorry to let you down…that I can’t be there.”

I could hear the pain in her voice. She hated feeling like she’d failed us, but I thought it was more the world that had failed her—crappy parents, getting pregnant by a douchebag, the car accident that fucked up her body and left her in pain. “It’s okay. All I’m doing is walking across a stage.” It was more than that to me, and both of us knew it, even as we pretended it didn’t matter.

She asked some more questions about graduation before we got off the phone.

I rolled over and got out of bed, not having slept great the night before. My apartment was a small studio meant for broke college students like myself. It was built in the 1940s and hadn’t been upgraded since. The owners knew they could keep the units rented, even if it was for cheap, so why invest in fixing them up?

I went for a jog, something I always did to clear my mind and chill out. Then I made myself two packages of ramen because I hadn’t had breakfast or lunch. The sodium would probably kill me, but that day wasn’t today… I hoped. How shitty would that be, to drop dead the day before I had my diploma in hand?

After I ate, I hung out at my apartment for a bit. I didn’t want to go out too early. Eventually, I headed to the bathroom to get ready—cleaned myself out just in case, took a shower, and was on my way to the gay bar.

The place was smallish—they didn’t have much need for anything more around here. There was an indoor bar counter and one outside on the patio area. Music pulsed through the air as I approached, and the closer I got, the more it vibrated in my chest. It was a Friday night, so of course there was a cover fee, which took up part of my twenty already. But then, if I was looking to get laid tonight, I probably didn’t need to drink anyway.

Still, I’d get myself one, otherwise I could have just stayed home and found someone on an app. I wanted to be out, though, wanted to be around people, and I hoped I’d find someone who could take me to their place instead of my shithole apartment.

I paid the cover fee and went straight to the bar outside. It still wasn’t quite as busy as it would be in an hour or so, but by then, there would be more competition.

It only took a couple of minutes for the patrons ahead of me to get served. There was a guy sitting on a stool beside me. He looked like he was maybe in his early forties. Who could tell. I just knew he was older than me.