Strings Attached

Hey yourself. I’ve been thinking about you.

Instead of replying, I didn’t overthink it too much and called instead. Harrison answered almost instantly.

“Is this okay?” I asked.

“This is good. How’s it going?”

I shrugged as if he could see me. “I love seeing them. Mom and Molly are great.”

“But?” Harrison asked, obviously sensing there was more.

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too,” he replied, and then, as if he had a connection to my mind, as if he somehow lived there, he added, “Going home makes you feel guilty, doesn’t it?”

I froze, just lay there staring into the dark and trying to figure out how to answer because yes, it did, but there was no reason he should know that. No reason I should tell him. “Yes.” I got off the couch, slipped out the front door, and sat on the porch so they wouldn’t hear me. “I hate it here, if I’m being honest. I feel like that kid who couldn’t sit still in class, the one whose dad came and went and didn’t care about him, the one whose mom worked her ass off to make ends meet and never quite did. But I belong with them. I feel like the worst son and brother in the world because I was thankful, Harrison. I was thankful when I didn’t go to college here. Not being here with them makes me feel like him, like my father.”

The line was quiet for a moment, Harrison likely as surprised as I was that I’d said that to him. I couldn’t wrap my brain around why I had. Why he was able to look inside me and draw my secrets out.

“You’re not him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I know you. I know the kind of man you are. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them. It’s okay to want a life for yourself too. As a matter of fact, Warren was just telling me that yesterday for a different reason.”

“What was it?” I’d rather talk about him than me.

“It’s not important. I know what you’re doing. We’re not changing the subject. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your family loves you, and they want you happy. They know you’ll always be there for them. You send them money, don’t you?”

“Not because she asks for it. She hates taking it, but I insist.”

“I know. I didn’t mean that. I’m just not surprised you’d do that.”

Because Harrison would do the same. He would do anything for Ross. Not that what I did was on the same level, but…I liked the idea of being like him in some ways. He was so good.

“Can I ask about your mom’s situation?”

“She dropped out of high school…crappy home life. She struggled to get a job. She met my dad. He’s a dick—comes around, then leaves, and as soon as we’re doing okay without him, he comes back and uproots everything again. Half the time he didn’t work when he lived with us, so he was just another mouth to feed, but she always took him back. Other times he would get a job and help her out, and we’d be doing okay…until he left again. I’ll never understand him. I used to get so angry with her for it…maybe I still do.”

“That’s reasonable.”

“Anyway, things got worse while I was in college. She hurt her back. She makes shit for disability, is in pain all the time. Her choices are pills or surgery, and both fucking suck. Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

“When something hurts you, it concerns me. I like it when you let me in, Mr. Wescott. Most of the time you’re too much of a brat.”

I smiled. “Takes one to know one.” When he was silent, I said, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Yeah, we can. I had lunch with Ross and Trina today.”

We talked for an hour, about nothing important, but it felt like it was.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Harrison

I spent entirely too much time on Sunday thinking about Zander’s call the night before. I knew what a gift it was to have him share such personal things with me. He had to have been emotional to do it. Maybe going home always made him feel that way, but he’d chosen to call me and open up to me. He was making me fall even deeper for him and had no idea. I couldn’t say exactly what I was falling into, but it was more than no-strings-attached sex with a friend.

He threw me for another loop when he texted that afternoon: Do you have plans this evening?

I’m hoping to see this really hot guy I’m sleeping with. Maybe you know him and can ask him if he wants to come over.

A couple of minutes later Zander replied: He said he’ll probably be bored and not have anything else better to do anyway.