Only Ever Yours

When nobody answers, I twirl around. “Where is he?” I demand as tears gush down my cheeks. “Noah…”

I stumble forward, having no clue where to go, what to do. My heart is straining to the point that it feels like I’m having a heart attack. Noah catches me, pulls me into his arms, and holds me tight as my grief pours out in a flood of uncontrolled tears. I cry in his arms, begging for God to take me. I can’t imagine a world without Isaac in it. How is this fair? We only just got started. We were supposed to have more time together. Get married, have babies.

I think about the last time we spoke, when he told me he loved me before he walked out the door. My cries get harder. We’ve only written one chapter, maybe two… It’s not time for it to end yet.

At some point, Noah and I end up on the floor in front of the building, with me in his lap while I sob into his chest, cursing the world and God and everything in between.

When it feels as though I’ve cried myself sick, Noah picks me up and carries me to his car, depositing me in the front seat. I barely recall him putting my seat belt on and driving me back to his place. He must carry me into his house and lay me in his bed, and I must pass out at some point because the next thing I know, I’m waking up in his bed again, staring out at the trees. I’m checking my phone and finding nothing from Isaac again. It’s like the worst case of Groundhog Day imaginable.

Only this time I don’t bother asking Noah if he’s heard from him, because I know he hasn’t. Because there’s no way if Isaac were alive, he wouldn’t be right here, holding me and telling me how much he loves me. Which means only one thing… Isaac is dead. I’ve lost him forever.

With that realization, my stomach roils and I jump out of bed, running to the bathroom to spill the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet. I hear footsteps and then a cool washcloth is placed on the back of my neck. Noah doesn’t say anything, just stays behind me while I empty my stomach over and over again, until there’s nothing left.

Then he turns the shower on for me, places a towel on top of the sink, and leaves me alone so I can rinse off. The shower is lonely without Isaac, so I wash my hair and body quickly, then get out. I find a shirt and sweats—most likely Noah’s—on the counter, and I put them on. I towel dry my hair and then pad back to the bed, pulling the sheets over me and closing my eyes.

Maybe tomorrow when I wake up this will all be a horrible dream.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CAMILLA

“We have to talk.”

“I’m sleeping,” I mutter from under the sheets. Between the queasiness and my heart feeling as though it’s been yanked out of my chest cavity, thrown onto the ground, and stomped on repeatedly, I haven’t had the energy to move from the bed unless necessary. Noah’s been really sweet, bringing me my meals several times a day, forcing me to shower, and holding my hair back when I actually eat and a little while later end up hugging the porcelain bowl.

“I spoke to Frank and he’s organized the funeral for the day after tomorrow.”

This gets my attention. I throw the blanket off me and sit up. “Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly because it sounded like you said Frank, Isaac’s attorney, is planning a funeral for my fiancé, and that can’t be right since he’s not dead.”

“Cam…”

“No, there’s no proof he’s dead. There’s no body.”

“You know why… The police said—”

“I don’t give a fuck what the police said!” I bark, climbing out of bed. My stomach roils, and I close my eyes, willing myself not to upchuck right now. “I can feel it in here.” I stab myself in the chest. “He’s alive.”

“Then why hasn’t he shown his face?”

“Maybe he’s in trouble. What if he was taken?” And then a thought occurs to me. One I haven’t thought of before. “I need to go somewhere.” I throw my drawers open, where the few outfits Noah purchased for me since I have no clothes, reside, and change out of my pajamas, not caring that I’m in my bra and underwear in front of him. Once I’m dressed, I throw on a pair of Chucks he also bought me and grab my phone. When I check to see if there are any messages or missed calls, I notice it says no service.

Weird.

I try to dial out, but nothing happens. When I try to send a text message, it pops up as unsent.