Baden (Pittsburgh Titans 1)

“Seriously,” Callum continues, “my office door is open, as is Brienne’s. We are making history, and we have immense pressure on our shoulders. We are also under the weight of grief as this entire league is still mourning the loss of our friends who were on that plane. I beg of you… if you are feeling depressed, out of sorts, angry, or anything at all, we have resources available for you. Sure, come sit in my office and talk, but also know I’ll get you to a therapist or a doctor or a support group. There are no judgments. We must take care of our mental health as much as our physical bodies.”

There’s more fidgeting, but a few players make sounds of affirmation. I expect every person in this room is reeling in some way over the events of the last week and a half. However, men tend to not want to talk about their feelings, and we repress way too much shit. I know this from personal experience—I was very angry, sullen, and withdrawn after my injuries. I didn’t come out of that with a gung ho attitude on my own. I went to therapy myself and joined a support group. I was grieving the loss of my legs and potentially my career, and I’m grateful for the help Dominik got me. I’m beyond impressed with the tone Brienne and Callum are setting to start this new team.

“One last housekeeping matter, then I’m going to pass things on to Coach Keller. As you know, the league has voted in a points freeze retroactively to the plane crash, and we have four days to get in some shape to step out on the ice and reenter competitive play. The league just announced that they’re giving an allowance to the Titans that any trades made going forward will not be penalized by making players sit out of the playoffs.”

This is not a surprise to me as Callum emailed the coaches this morning about the news. But it is unsettling as evidenced by some of the grumbling.

Ordinarily, this would be a good thing for any team or player. The rule is, if trades occur after the deadline, which ironically was three days before the crash, any players traded could not dress for the playoffs. That rule is being removed for the Titans.

Callum holds up his hands, asking for silence. “I know this might cause some distress as many of you just got your call-up from the minors, and you don’t want anything interfering with your shot to make it in this league. While the chances are slim, it’s possible someone could offer for one of you and then release you back to the minors. Brienne Norcross has made a commitment not to release any of you from your contracts this year. She wants your shot to be a good one, and you can’t do that with fear of that shot ending hanging over you. It doesn’t matter if a great opportunity comes our way. We are not going to sacrifice a single player in this room.”

Big applause.

Huge.

Brienne made the right decision, and Callum’s delivery was perfect. This team will have safety and security for the rest of the season, and it’s exactly what they need.

CHAPTER 12

Baden

If the men were expecting to get immediately on the ice, they were sorely mistaken. Coach Keller wanted to do more talking. After a brief introduction of himself—including background—as well as the other coaches, he decided this team needed to get to know one another a little better. However, I’m not sure the manner in which he chose to do this was the wisest.

Coach Keller wanted every player to stand and take a few moments to tell the rest of the team about himself. But he also wanted them to have a moment to express their feelings about coming to the Titans and the path that led them there.

I thought this was a horrible idea. He was essentially starting a support group of men who did not know each other and may not want to talk about their feelings. I realized early on in my post-injury mental health journey that you have to want to feel better. You have to commit to being able to express your feelings. You have to be able to confront your demons, and you have to be in a secure place to do so.

Sitting in The Bowl after having been plucked out of their lives to start brand-new ones, under pretty awful circumstances, and among fifty strangers, is not a secure place to be forced to discuss feelings.

Had I known Coach Keller planned to do this, I would’ve had no problem expressing my hesitancy of this process. But he did not tell us coaches what he had planned, and I certainly cannot call him out in front of everybody.