With her arm linked through mine, Bree said, “Why don’t we come here more often? This place is awesome and you’re a great skater! Why didn’t I know this about you before?”
“Well, I guess because we’ve never been skating before!” I laughed. “I came to places like this a lot when I was a teenager but I’m a little old to do this so often now.”
Bree laughed. “You’re not old, and you seem like you’re having fun.”
I was. Before the weirdness.
Aloud, I said, “I am. I didn’t expect so many people to come along tonight.”
“I know, right? Oh my God, did you meet Isabelle yet? She’s so cute!”
“I saw her but I haven’t met her yet. Miguel and I didn’t want to crowd her.”
Miguel and I. Why did that suddenly sound so traitorous coming from my lips? Miguel and I did lots of things together, it wasn’t unusual for our names to be linked but after what had just almost occurred between us, the connection unsettled me.
So much for Bree taking my mind off things.
Bree’s pace slowed and I glanced at her. Her smile had faded, thoughtfulness replacing it.
“What’s wrong?” Without a word she steered us to the barriers. “Bree?”
Still not speaking, she studied me for a moment, her eyes searching mine.
“Bree, seriously.” I had no idea what she was looking at. Maybe my make-up had smudged. I put my hand up to my face to feel for any abnormalities but everything felt fine.
She shook her head. “Your make-up’s great. That’s not what I was looking at. I wasn’t looking at anything really, I just…”
“What is it?”
“Are you and Miguel fighting?”
Her question threw me and started the dramatic pounding in my chest again. “What makes you ask that?”
“I don’t know. You just looked a little uncomfortable together when you were skating.”
Oh God. How much did she see? Did she see how close we’d gotten? Did she think there was something happening between us? The questions whizzed through my mind and I had to remind myself to calm down because she hadn’t implied any of those things.
But she had noticed the awkwardness.
“We’re not fighting,” I told her, forcing a smile.
“Something’s up though. Do you need space from him again? You two have been getting along so much better lately.”
I needed space. From everyone who might have seen something I didn’t understand yet. What vibes were we giving off that Bree saw them from across the room?
“Everything’s fine. I promise.” Bree smiled but I wasn’t sure she bought my lie. “I need some fresh air. I’ll talk to you later.”
After a quick word with the doormen to let them know I’d be returning, I paused to remove my skates before heading outside.
The music quietened as the doors closed behind me and I leaned against the wall, letting out a deep breath. The parking lot was quiet, most people already inside enjoying themselves, so I took a few more long breaths in and out to calm myself.
The year had thrown me two enormous curveballs, changing the journey I thought I was on and leaving me lost in my own life.
I re-wound my memories back to the night I spent with Miguel. We were insane to think it wouldn’t change anything.
It changed everything.
We slept together when we’d reached our lowest points and we’d used sex like some kind of magic tool to fix the bits of us that were broken. That’s not what sex is for; I’d never used it that way before but it had done the thing I wanted it to do. It made me feel. But what I felt now was confusion.