If I Let You Go

Telling him to let me deal with Tilly would have been the easy thing to do, but he needed to be there for her too. Sending him away would only serve to create another gap between them, and that was the last thing I wanted.

I carried Tilly back to bed, sitting her down and covering her with her duvet. Her face was streaked with tears, and she sniffled trying to calm herself down.

“Dom, could you grab some tissues please?” I asked.

I could handle a lot of gross stuff, but kid snot was not one of them.

Dominic nodded before leaving the room, and I reached out for Tilly’s hand.

“I don’t want to go away,” she said, her head bowed. “I don’t want to.”

“I know, honey. But Daddy has a new job.”

“He had a new job before, but we didn’t have to go away.”

Tilly understood enough about Dominic’s work to know that it changed sometimes, but she had no comprehension of just how well he’d done. He worked as a business analyst for a global finance company, and he’d climbed through the ranks at high speed due to his incredible dedication. Every promotion meant he could better provide for his daughter, but it also meant he spent less time with her. Neither Tilly nor myself had any idea whether New York would actually give her back her father, but we were both united in one thing. Neither of us wanted them to go.

“This is a different job,” I explained. “It means Daddy will get paid more money.”

“I don’t care about money, I want to stay with you!”

Telling her I wanted that too would only have made her more upset with Dominic. Instead, I pulled her into my arms again and gently stroked her hair.

Dominic returned, handing me the box of tissues, and I plucked some out then moved Tilly slightly away from me so I could wipe her nose and dry her eyes. Her eyes were stunning. The exact same shade of blue as her father’s, but with longer lashes. Seeing them shine with tears stabbed at my soul, making me want to cry with her.

“Do you know what I think?” I asked, tilting Tilly’s chin upwards a little, and giving her a smile.

“What?”

“I think you should give Daddy a hug, then we’ll read you a bedtime story until you fall asleep.”

“But what about going away? I want Daddy to say we’re not going!”

“I promise we’ll talk about it tomorrow. Everyone’s tired now, but tomorrow we can talk about it properly. Together.”

Slowly, Tilly nodded. “Can you make Daddy change his mind?” she whispered, as if she hoped he couldn’t hear her.

“I can’t make him, darling. I can’t. But I promise that you will get a chance to tell him how you feel. But you need some rest first, okay?”

She nodded again, and I said, “Give Daddy a hug.”

Tilly eyed him as if he were the Devil, then sighed. Only when the hostility had gone, did Dominic reach out to her.

“I love you,” he said, gently.

“Love you too.”

Tilly lay back on the bed, and Dominic tucked her in while I searched the toy-strewn floor to locate her toy monkey, Mungo – who she couldn’t sleep without. He must have got tossed away during her tantrum, and I found him on the roof of her doll’s house.

It was another half an hour before she finally fell asleep, with both me and Dominic at her side, taking in turns to read from one of her favourite books. I was shattered by the time we were finished, and I quickly retreated to the kitchen in search of something alcoholic to take the edge off.

About a thousand questions popped into my head through the evening, and I knew that if I didn’t get at least some of them out, I would never get to sleep. Plus, if I was going to honour my promise to Tilly, I’d need to have some idea of what Dominic’s plans were, in order to help him make the transition to New York easier for her.

I located a bottle of beer in the fridge, and wasted no time popping the lid off and taking a swig.

“Thank you, Madison.”

Dominic stood in the doorframe, his hair a mess, presumably from where he’d raked frustrated fingers through it. His face looked drawn, in a way that only happens after a stressful day.