If I Let You Go

Dave flicked my arm, making me jump, and I smacked him in retaliation. “What was that for?”

“Just trying to get an honest reaction from you.”

His brown eyes, so unlike Dominic’s, focused intently on mine, and I said, “You don’t think I’m being honest when I say I don’t want him to go?”

“No, I know that’s true. But the reason you don’t want him to go? That’s what I want to know.”

“This sounds suspiciously like a question you think you know the answer to,” I said, sitting up. “But you’re wrong.”

Dave stayed silent, and I took the time to watch the others. Jake dribbled the football, with Danielle trying to tackle him. He was unaware of Tilly watching him, and when he was least expecting it, she ran at him, skidding across the grass and successfully getting the ball away. The shock on Jake’s face made everyone laugh, and Dominic ran to Tilly, lifting her high in the air. “That’s my girl,” he said. She giggled and threw her arms around his neck.

“And that’s what I mean,” Dave said, making me aware that he had sat up too. “That look in your eyes. That’s honest.”

“I haven’t seen Tilly so happy in a long time. It makes me happy.”

And honestly has nothing to do with the way their faces light up when they’re having fun together, or how incredible Dominic looks when so much love shines in his eyes. Really.

“I know. But … Madison, I know what happened with you and Dom after he told you about New York. He said you got into a big row, and then … well. I know.”

Jesus Christ. Dominic was so private about so many things, but having sex with me was the one thing he’d shared? My cheeks burned.

“Do you want to know what he said?” Dave asked.

I turned my head towards him. “Do I?”

“He said the night you slept together, he hated you and loved you at the same time and it scared him because he’d never felt anything like that before.”

Funny. I thought something similar at the time.

“He actually said that?” I asked. “He said he loved me?”

“Yes. It surprised me because I didn’t think he would ever realise how lucky he is.”

“I think you’ve both got this wrong. Last night, we had … a moment. But he pretty much confirmed what I thought. He thinks there’s something between us, but it’s not about me. Like everything he does, it’s about what’s right for Tilly. I understand, but I don’t want that kind of relationship. And even if I did, he’s leaving soon so it doesn’t matter.”

Dave sighed, as if he’d realised his words were falling on deaf ears. Or at least ears that refused to listen properly.

“Okay,” he said. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”

My adoration of Dave somehow multiplied, even though the conversation was more painful for me than I cared to admit. I loved how he’d been so open with me, and how he wanted what was best for his brother. But you can’t force people to love each other.

I gave him a hug. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I think you’ve misunderstood his feelings. We’re friends, we always have been, but that’s all. Maybe one day he’ll find someone who loves Tilly, and who he really wants to be with.”

I’m not her.

I stood up, needing a break from the intensity. “Coming to play?”

“No,” he said, with a smile. “I’m

more of an observer.”

As I got closer to the game, Tilly said, “Maddi! I need you on my team, Aunt Mel’s rubbish!”

“Oh really?” Mel laughed. “I’m doing my best here!”

“Girls are all rubbish at football,” Jake said.

“I’m not,” Tilly told him. “I just tackled you!”