Sidelined (Game On 3)

“Thank you, Jesse.”

I had the strangest inkling my other friends wouldn’t let this go so easily. And Jude. Well, we weren’t on the best terms since the night before when I’d asked him if I could get some education. We were talking but still sort of strained.

Jesse tilted his head to one side. “You okay?”

I shrugged. “Can we… well, I know you can’t walk too far but I’m not ready to face everyone yet.”

“I get it. They were giving you the look they gave me last year, like, ‘Is he really going to be able to stay away from that bitch?’ Come on.”

He took a hold of his crutches again and we circled Freya’s building and stepped into the small communal garden at the back of the property.

I’d never been inside the garden before. I’d seen it from Freya’s apartment but the sea behind always distracted me so I never took much notice. The garden was cute. All terracotta slabs and palm trees.

“You wanna tell me what’s up?” Jesse asked as we sat down on one of the benches.

“How can you tell something’s up?”

“I have magical powers.”

I laughed in spite of my feelings that my world had started to crumble around me. How could I explain I’d started to feel like an outsider in my own life? Like I wasn’t living anymore, just existing day to day.

“Last night I asked Jude if I

could take a make-up course so I can get a job so I don’t have to rely on him as much. He didn’t take it too well.”

I guess that’s how.

“Why not? Sounds like an awesome idea. You get to do something you love, and you won’t be stuck at home all the time. Win-win.”

“Right. But Jude… well I’m not sure if he’s against it but because Leah suggested it he’s got the idea I’m pressing this thing because she said I should.”

Jesse gave a knowing smile. “He’s still not over the Leah/Miguel thing, huh? I guess you wanting to do this came a little out of nowhere, though.”

True. I’d never talked about learning or getting a job. It surprised me, too. I hadn’t realised how much sense it made until Leah said the words. Me. Make-up. People! I’d meet new people, maybe some more my own age. I loved the friends I already had so much but most other people had friends they knew before or outside of the Warriors. The few friends I’d made in whatever town I happened to live in as a teenager forgot about me as soon as my cab drove out of sight.

“Is everything okay between you and Jude?”

I nodded slowly. “I think so. Yeah. Sometimes I get frustrated when he treats me like a bimbo who can’t make up my own mind.” I paused. “Did I ever tell you how I met Jude?”

Stupid question. I knew I hadn't told him. Will, Miguel and Freya were the only ones who knew, and only because they'd been Jude's friends the longest. Even Leah hadn’t heard the whole truth yet. I actually suspected more people on the team had heard a little of the story, and what they didn't know they filled in - often incorrectly - for themselves.

My biggest mistake was telling Taylor. My stomach clenched as I remembered how she’d used my past as a way to hurt me when everyone turned against her after what she did to Radleigh. I’m not ashamed to admit I cried over some of the things she said and it terrified me how she had the power to spill who I used to be. Having people draw their own conclusions was one thing; I didn’t need their approval anyway. But if they knew the truth? Things would go one of two ways. They’d look at me with pity, or the real story would “confirm” their assumptions about me.

Jesse wasn’t like that. Not like Taylor or the other people making blind guesses about me and my reasons for being with Jude.

Jesse shook his head. “I don't think I ever asked you.”

“When people ask, I say I met him at a party. That's not true.”

He sat up straighter, possibly sensing my slight discomfort. Why couldn’t Jude be so in tune with me? Jesse picked up on emotions the way cats pick up scents. Instinctively and fast.

“You don't have to tell me. Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I want to tell you. It’s not a pleasant story, though.”

“Okay.” He shuffled towards me a little. “If you want to stop or change your mind, that's okay.”

I took a deep breath, doubting myself for a split second. Jesse will not judge you. He’s a sweetheart. Even so, explaining my past meant giving a small piece of myself to the person listening. I’d kept those pieces locked away for years. Sharing my memories meant I had to open up in a different way, a way that would surprise a lot of people if they had any idea what I hid inside me.