Nobody Knows (Razes Hell 1)

Nobody knows but you

Tears blurred my vision so I couldn’t read anymore, but Drew’s familiar scrawl and his beautiful words hit me deep in my chest. My song. The song he’d hidden from me in London. I could never have imagined such perfect lyrics. Lyrics that reflected everything we’d been through from the start. All this time, he remembered the day we met, the way I sat quietly beside him and waited for him to be ready to play. The way I always waited for him.

How much more amazing would it have been if Drew had shown me the song? I’d have

hugged him so hard. Told him how much it meant that he’d written words I felt in every part of me. They were a part of me. Part of us.

A tear dripped onto the page and I quickly moved the paper aside so as not to smudge the words.

God, I miss him so much.

To distract myself from the feeling of my insides shrivelling, I picked up the other piece of paper.

This is the one song for the new album Drew kept from me. He didn’t want me, or anyone to see until everyone knew you were together. He gave it to Mack, and he still wants it on the album, even though it’s so different from what we normally do, but he won’t play it live.

Mack recorded a version of the song on the CD enclosed. It’s only him and a guitar, and it’s fucking brilliant. You wanna get Drew back? Learn it. Derek has arranged a small homecoming gig for us in three weeks, when I’m out of rehab. It’ll be invite only, family and friends, and some people from town who have always supported us. Sing the song. Tweak the lyrics and sing it for him, Ellie. You can do this.

Think about it.

Jason

Sing the song. Sing the song? He must still be high.

Did he not know Drew at all? How could I get up in front of the people we knew best and sing a song he himself didn’t want to sing? Being the centre of attention was not Drew’s thing. That was why he liked the drums so much. He could do what he loved while hiding at the back of the stage. If I made some massive deal about this song... I couldn’t see how it would help.

With a sigh, I picked up the CD, twirling it around in my fingers. Part of me felt hearing those lyrics come to life would be peering into a part of Drew’s brain he didn’t want me to see. He still wants it on the album. Soon, everyone will see.

A ripple of hope trickled through me. If he didn’t want me to hear the song, why would he want it recorded? A permanent record of his feelings would surely be the last thing he’d want if he was done with me.

Unless... he wanted to remind me what I threw away.

I rose from my seat and removed Mum’s Olly Murs album from the CD player, replacing it with Jason’s gift.

My heart stilled as the gentle strains of Mack’s guitar played through the speakers. Although the melody was soft, it still somehow had a little of their signature darkness. I couldn’t help imagining how cool it would sound with the addition of drums to make it heavier.

It really was beautiful.

“So, what do you think?”

I jumped at the sound of Lucy’s voice. She stood behind me, eyebrows raised. The hopefulness of her expression was both frustrating and amusing.

“Have you heard this?” I nodded towards the CD player.

“No. Jason told me I couldn’t see or hear until you did.”

“The lyrics are on the chair. Take a look.”

As Lucy scanned the words, a smile formed on her lips.

“You’re so lucky. This is fab! He wrote a song for you. I would love it if a guy did that for me.”

“Except he’s not my guy anymore.”

Lucy glanced at me over the top of the lyric sheet. “He could be if you do what Jason wants you to do.”

I sank to the floor. “It’s a terrible idea.”

“Why? Is there anything more romantic than someone you love singing for you? Come on, Ellie. They might be Drew’s lyrics but they fit you, too. You know what he’s trying to say here, and I know you feel the same way. He’s the one. The only one who knows everything about you.”