When Jason laid eyes on me, he halted, staring. “Whoa.”
“What?” I panicked and turned to the mirror again. “What’s wrong?”
Nope No mascara down my face – surprising since I hardly ever wore the stuff. No lipstick on my teeth and my hair wasn’t frizzy.
Again, Lucy giggled, and Jason said, “Nothing’s wrong. You look incredible.”
I glanced at him over my shoulder. The thing was, I really thought I looked okay. Feeling miserable had limited my appetite, and I’d lost six pounds, making my hips a little less wide, and giving my waist a bit of definition. I’d bought new jeans - a size smaller than usual - and a close fitting black, long-sleeved top with a cowl neck. Simple, but with my hair plaited over my left shoulder and some make-up - courtesy of my little sister – I at least appeared confident, even if I didn’t feel it.
“Thanks.” I gave a weak smile while my stomach whizzed around again.
Jason took my hands, pulling me away from the mirrors. “I wanted to say something before we get started out there because if I don’t do it now, the moment will pass and... well, it needs to be said.”
The seriousness on his face freaked me out a bit, and Lucy stepped back as if she wanted to disappear into the white tiled walls so as not to intrude.
“What is it?”
“Okay,” Jason began, squeezing my hands. “I know tonight is a massive deal for you. I know you’ve had second thoughts every day, and I know how scared you must be. The only reason I pushed so hard for you to do this, Ellie, is because I want you to be happy. I want Drew to be happy. Every time I’ve messed things up for you, you never complained. Never blamed me, and never stopped being there for me. I’ve been a total prick. I did some stuff I’ll always be ashamed of and… you don’t deserve to be miserable because I made bad choices. I’m sorry, Ellie. I was wrong to ever say you and Drew didn’t make sense. You do. You make so much sense. So, if I’ve been a pushy asshole these past few weeks, it’s because I have to make this right again. I need to do it for you. Both of you. Best friends forever, right?”
I nodded, tears threatening to smudge my make-up at the reminder of our childhood promises in the snow. I never needed an apology from Jason, not really. Sorry was only a word, after all. All I wanted was for him to get his act together and, to stop making the same mistakes over again. I knew what he was doing all along, why he pushed so hard to help me fix my relationship with Drew. Knowing he wanted to do it, to make up for some of the crap he put Drew and me through meant more than I could explain.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight,” he went on. “I can’t predict what Drew will do or say. I’ll be here whatever happens, though. And those people out there,” he added, pointing towards the door, “they only want the best for you. All of them, even the ones who don’t know you well. You’re as much a local celebrity as the band, not because of who we are, but because you were flooding this town with your artwork while we were still trying to get our shit together as a group. So... shake off the nerves, okay? You can do this.”
I threw my arms around Jason, unable to speak.
“Right,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “I have to get out there. Two minutes to show time.”
I gave him a final squeeze, realising the next time I saw him, it would be on stage. Strangely, though, I didn’t feel as sick as before. “Thank you.”
Jason kissed my cheek. “Good luck, Ellie.”
As he headed out, he gave Lucy a grin that made her cheeks flush. When the door closed behind him, I said, “You just fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
Her face glowed more, and she lowered her head. “That was so sweet of him. I... yeah. A little bit.”
A little bit more. I’d watched Lucy since she revealed her feelings to me, knowing at some point, she’d either get over it, or fall harder. With no idea what he’d done, with his kindness and killer smile, Jason made her fall. I couldn’t stop it, she was too far gone. Instinct told me to warn her how dangerous it was to want someone like Jason; someone so unpredictable and adored, and completely wrong for her. Realism told me it would be a waste of breath. Why lecture her on what she already knew?
“Come on, Luce.” I reached for her hand. “Let the madness begin!”
The pub had filled up a lot since we arrived, and we had to nudge through the crowd to our parents and Michael, who’d managed to blag one of the few available tables. Most of the tables and chairs that normally occupied space had been moved out to make way for the specially invited audience, but some remained around the edge of the room and near the bar.
“Are you okay?” Mum asked, as we sat down. She had her concerned, we can leave if it gets too much face on. I hadn’t meant to worry her by hiding in the toilets for so long; she’d been in a constant state of worry since Drew and I broke up. It was a massive indication of how miserable I’d been, because most of the time, Mum was not a big worrier.
I nodded. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”
As fine is it can be while I sit here and prepare for the most important moment of my life so far.
Not gonna lie, concentrating on the show was hard, but I listened, sang along, loved how well Jason looked, and how at home he was in front of an audience. If they hadn’t already known, nobody would have guessed he almost died a few weeks ago. The memory made goose bumps pop up across my skin; the image of him in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines. Now, Jason fired up the crowd as though he’d never been away. None of us could predict his future or say for sure if he’d kicked the coke for good this time. What mattered was that he was trying.
Cheers and whistles of appreciation filled the room after the last song ended. Those who had been sitting were on the their feet, and the people who’d bounced around to the entire set continued to jump, waving their arms in the air in support of their favourite band.
Cameras flashed, journalists frantically scribbled notes, and I knew, right there and then, it really was the beginning for them.
The guys all stepped to the front of the stage to take a bow, and it couldn’t have been clearer how glad Mack and Joey were to have Jason back. Even Drew’s eyes flickered with pride as chants of his brother’s name filled the room. I knew if I’d asked him, he’d have insisted he was still angry with Jason, and they had a long way to go before things were good between them again. It would have been true, too. But there was no disguising the genuine happiness on his face that the b
and was back together. Back home.
And that, right there, was the reason I fell for him. Drew could be grumpy, stubborn, unreasonable, obsessive and insecure. But he was also the man who carried me home when Jason got me stoned. The man who never had to ask what I needed; just gave it to me, sometimes before I knew myself. The man who let me hide out with him in his flat because neither of us wanted to face the world after Jason tore us both down, leaving us exhausted and broken.