"Oh, Charley. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I said, through a shaky breath. "It's fine."
"Don't do that. You don't need to pretend with us. It's okay."
I squeezed my eyes closed, trying so hard not to feel the pain, but it refused to stop. My tears fell anyway.
"I'm sorry," I said, trying to get myself together. "This isn't what I wanted for tonight. Why can't I just get over it?"
"You know why."
And I did. If everything had gone the way it was supposed to, it would have been me kissing him at midnight. It would have been me he was looking forward to a new year with. We would have been a couple by now and everything we wanted would have been ours.
I should have been grateful to have such amazing friends to celebrate with. And I was grateful. But my heart was elsewhere, and while I would never forget what an amazing night we'd had in New York, it would forever be tainted by that image.
I just wanted to forget, but trying not to love someone is like asking the rain not to fall, or the sun not to shine. There's no stopping it. The rain will come, the sun will light the morning sky, and you will feel every bit of heartache that comes from loving someone who doesn't love you back.
Chapter 13
Brayden
I blinked, rubbing my eyes and trying to work out what day it was and why my head felt like someone had attacked it with a hammer.
Oh. Right. New Year’s Day.
Happy New Year to me.
Most people feel happy and enthusiastic about the new year, even if they do have a hangover, but not me.
What the hell was even wrong? I’d had a pretty good night out, for the most part.
So, why did I feel empty? Hollow, like something was missing?
Rolling onto my side, I picked up my phone from the bedside table and began my morning ritual of scrolling social media. I needed a drink and some painkillers, but I wasn’t sure my legs would hold me up yet.
Post after post of people’s nights out passed before my eyes. And then I paused as one of my own posts showed up.
A picture of me and Rachel kissing. She looked happy, and I looked… drunk.
A wave of sadness washed over me as I remembered. As the realisation of why I felt so lost hit me.
It wasn’t supposed to be her.
So many times I’d thought about spending New Year with Charley. I’d imagined dancing with her all night, laughing, kissing when the clock struck midnight. I’d thought about it so much it had made me crazy.
And then I met Rachel.
I’d liked her right away. Not in the same insta-connect way I liked Charley, but she was cute and fun to be around. She reminded me a little of Charley in the way she was always so confident and liked to have a laugh.
But she wasn’t who I wanted to be with. Not really. Rachel and I didn’t have as many things in common, and that was becoming more apparent with time. She didn’t get me the same way Charley did. Her smile didn’t make my heart beat faster…
Now, it was January, Charley was still a million miles away, and I was in a relationship that really didn’t mean that much
With a sigh, I continued looking through social media, and I stopped again as Charley’s gorgeous smile caught my attention. Above the photos she’d posted, she’d written, New York, baby! There were lots of pictures of her and her friends. I knew all about Evelyn, Lewis, and Luca because she’d talked about them so much, and I’d seen photos of them before.
God, she looked so happy.
My stomach sank farther. If I hadn’t been such a gigantic fuck up, she would have been with me. At home, in my arms.