Into the Darkness

Then I felt a hand grab my arm. I didn’t need to look. He pulled me through the double doors. Inside was another ballroom, empty of course. He let go of my arm and started pacing in frustration.

“Do you love him?” He spoke quickly.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to answer. We were not together.

“I see the way you look at him. It was the way you used to look at me.”

“Used to Al...Lex, you walked away, not me,” I stammered.

“I had no choice! I looked for you. I didn’t give up on us!” he yelled.

“The moment you chose her, you gave up on us.”

My heart was pumping so hard as he turned to look at me, his eyes on fire. He grabbed my face, pressing his lips against mine. The force was so strong, I couldn’t feel any emotion but the one that made me focus on how perfect his lips tasted, his tongue entangled with mine, the familiarity clouding any rational thought that wanted to push him away. My hands moved towards his chest, then a moment of clarity as I attempted to break free. As if he knew, he pulled me into him, my arms trapped as he sucked hard on my lips. The pain turned me on, taking my body to places that only existed when we were together. From the moment he left, I wondered what it would be like to taste his lips again, and no matter how much I thought about it, the reality was far off. I missed how he tasted, how he would kiss me passionately, every time, like it was our first kiss. My head was screaming let me go but I couldn’t stop. I felt him stiffen against my leg, knowing I couldn’t let it go any further, but I was terrified by how much I wanted him. With his palm flat against my chest, I was scared that he could feel how rapidly my heart was beating, but I reminded myself that it no longer beat for him. It was time to pull away.

“Lex, we can’t. Please, you don’t understand… I can’t go down this path again,” I said breathlessly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. It's something I must live with every day and all the pain I put you through, I wish I could erase it. It’s something I will always regret but I’m standing here now. Please just let me explain everything.”

“That’s the thing, Lex. You just don’t know—”

“What, Charlotte? Talk to me, please!”

I said the words I’d been wanting to say since I ran into him: I’ve moved on. It was time to accept that. I broke free from his grip. Walking to the door, I touched my lips before grabbing the handle of the door and walking back to the ballroom.

This wasn’t good. I couldn’t believe I had just kissed him again. Now I had to walk into the ballroom and face Julian and my friends, pretend nothing happened. I gave myself a few minutes to calm down, deep breaths. I put on a smile as I entered the ballroom.

“Gorgeous, there you are.” Julian found me as soon as I walked in. “Listen, something has come up and I need to cover a story in Chicago first thing in the morning. My flight leaves in an hour. I’m sorry I have to leave.”

“What? But you can’t leave,” I answered desperately. I needed him here so no other mistakes were made tonight. I needed him to protect me from the big bad wolf.

“Charlie...I, um...are you OK?” he asked, questioning my odd behavior.

“Julian, I understand. Sorry, I just… Call me the second you’re back, OK?”

He grabbed me, kissing me deeply. I kissed him back, trying to erase the guilt of the last twenty minutes. Trying not to show just how uncomfortable I was, but I couldn’t help thinking it just wasn’t the same as Lex. Julian said goodbye to our table and hurried out of the building. Eric sat beside me, hugging me tight.

“I know you’re upset he had to leave, but I know something that will cheer you up.”

I didn’t tell Eric that I wasn’t upset that Julian left. I was still s

hell-shocked that I had actually kissed the ghost of my past, and how I let it happen.

“Let’s go to After Dark tonight. Dirty drinks, dirty men and even dirtier dancing. We need to let loose after this stiff shindig, Charlie.”

“Agreed, but only if we get to do shots.” I laughed, knowing Eric didn’t handle shots very well. Well, that was an understatement: three shots of tequila sees him dancing on a bar half-naked. Five shots sees him head-down ass-up over the toilet, crying to God.

“Aw shit, Charlie, you know what happens when I do shots. I get so loose,” he whined.

“How is that any different from now?”

He laughed and did that snap hand gesture he always does. “Holy mother of all that’s sweet and pure, Sting’s here!” He grabbed Emma and ran off to the front of the stage.

I stood there by myself watching Sting as he sung. Why did I let it happen? I touched my lips. Feeling them swollen reminded me of him, the intensity of it all. It was always like that between us. But there were so many questions I wanted to ask but even if he answered them, would it change things? I couldn’t let go of the fact that he chose her.

The crowd cheered and the MC thanked Sting for performing, then the lights came on. The night had come to an end.

“OK bitches, let’s grab a cab and get this party started.” Eric did his mini dance, the dance he always did before we went out clubbing. He put on his jacket and I grabbed my purse. I don’t know what compelled me to do it but I looked over at Lex one more time. He was looking directly at me with a smug look on his face. I couldn’t say goodbye, not now. My emotions were all over the place, mainly splattered all over the ballroom walls. I seriously needed some tequila.