Into the Darkness

“No I'm not, Charlotte. Why would I ever be happy that someone else had their hands on you?”

“Okay so give me yours, I can take it. I'm a big girl. Like what? Over a hundred?”

I had no clue because I never cared, I never asked names, never spent the night or cuddled or did any shit like that. I wore fucking condoms and sent them on their merry way. “Let's drop it.”

“Bullshit. If I had to tell you then it's only fair.”

“Charlotte I wouldn't know. Sex was just that, meaningless sex. No attachments, no names, no more than one time.”

“Wow.”

“Wow what?”

“I don't know. I mean of course you had sex, but ouch.” She lowered her head.

“Look at me, Charlotte.” I cupped her chin and raised her eyes to meet mine. “I fucking missed you, and it hurt like hell. I thought they would make me forget, but they didn't. If I could have my way it would only be you for the rest of my life but I'm not the one calling the shots here.”

She sat there silent. Nervously she fiddled with the pendant I gave her. She still wore it. Say something, I wanted to yell. I needed her to know that no amount of women could ever replace her. Why couldn’t she fucking see it? The silence was deafening and I did the only thing a jerk like me would do, I turned the conversation back to her, back to that number five.

“So five then?”

“Lex don’t, please.”

“But we’re friends and there’s no point in keeping things from each other. Who were they?”

“Seriously you are going to turn this on me? I wasn’t the one who screwed all of the United States!”

“Charlotte, please don’t. I’m sorry.” Why the fuck did I open my mouth? I had serious foot-in-mouth syndrome and this friends thing was off to the worst start possible.

“Well, you know what?” she started. “Since you asked the question here

goes. It took me two years and twenty-six days after you left me to be able to kiss someone else and exactly three years and eighty-six days since the day you left me for me to have sex with another man and even then every person I was with, the whole five of them, was to escape the very fucking shitty hole you left me in.”

I couldn’t feel any smaller than I did right now. You know the saying ‘when you’ve dug deep enough’ well I just kept digging! I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss away all the scars that I left all over her especially the one that was etched on her heart. But I couldn’t, instead in typical Lex fashion I got angry that she was fucking other guys. I couldn’t control this side of things, the jealousy was eating at me and what fucking right did I have? I searched every part of my brain to come up with something non prick-like so tonight wouldn’t be a total writeoff.

“Was JT one of the five?”

It took her a moment but eventually just out of the corner of her mouth, a small smile appeared. It may have been tiny but it was enough to know that at least I could make her smile again. “If he was I’d have a ring on my finger and you would be officially having dinner with Mrs. Timberlake.”

I smirked. “It was a stupid thing for us to bring up but it’s out in the open and I am more than happy to place that in the vault of conversations that never should be brought up again.”

“I’m sorry too, Lex. You’re a guy. I don’t know why it would shock me, I mean Jesus, look at you. It would have been impossible for you to be celibate.”

“I’m trying here, Charlotte. This is harder than I thought. I can’t deny the fact that I want you, all of you, to be mine.” I held her hand as I said the words and she let me do so for a minute before pulling back.

“I need time, Lex. Please don’t push me.”

I didn’t understand even though I told her I did. I was a rookie at this relationship stuff. I mean fuck, I couldn’t even hold down a marriage without having a fucking affair.

“You’ve barely touched your food. Don’t tell me you’re one of those New York chicks that’s on some liquid diet or some shit?”

She ate a mouthful trying not to laugh. “Ha! You should see Eric and I on all-you-can-eat Wednesdays at this local Mexican restaurant. We demolish that place.”

I laughed because only Charlotte would have a stomach made of steel and manage to hold down the one type of food that sent people running for the hills, or should I say restroom. “But look at you… Your body is amazing. I mean it’s not that it wasn’t amazing before but you have become this beautiful woman.” Why oh why did I bring up her body, which obviously meant I was picturing her naked, which meant we had a problem down south again…

“Have you looked in the mirror lately?” she teased.

“Yes I have but you were with me up against the wall in the bathroom.”