Drew smiles, looking pleased. “I’m not.”
“It’s Saturday night. You always go out—”
“Not tonight.”
I fall into silence staring at the television. Today’s events really took a toll on me. Apart from the physical state, my mental state’s confused. There’s no reason I should have survived. Everyone knows how rough the sea can get, and I was plain stupid. I’m not a religious person either. I never go to church since my parents dragged me at a young age. There’s no rhyme or reason for why I’ve been given a second chance.
But I sat here, breathing, all the while thinking that I couldn’t waste a single moment living this sheltered life because some guy cheated on me. It wasn’t just the cheating. It was everything he made me feel about myself—insecure and unwanted.
Before Jess, Zoey Richards ruled the world. I was this close to accomplishing everything I had worked so hard for. Women envied me, men wanted to be with me. The world was supposedly my oyster, yet I chose the rotten one. They teach you everything at college, everything but how to stay away from the bad oyster.
“Let’s go out,” I say out loud, throwing the cushion aside and ignoring the slight head spin.
“Zo, you need to rest.”
“No, I’ve rested all day. C’mon, even just for an hour?” I beg.
He looks at me oddly. “Are you okay?”
He places his hand on my forehead, but I shake it off instantly.
“I’m fine, Drew. I just—” I stop mid-sentence. If there’s anyone I trust more than my life, it’s Drew. No matter what, he’s been my rock through it all. He’s seen me at my peak and seen me hit rock bottom. “What have I been doing for the past year? Nothing. I let that creep get to me and bring me down. What’s the purpose of me surviving?”
“Because you’re young and have your whole life ahead of you.”
“A life of sitting on the couch unhappy?”
“Zo, you can’t blame anyone for that. Life happens. Shit happens. How we react and how we move forward determines what type of life we live. Maybe this is a good thing. Pull you out of this funk you’ve been living in.”
“Maybe. I guess I can only blame myself.”
A lie. Of course, I could blame Jess. The hottest guy to walk into my life and treat me like a fucking queen, until one day I told him I wouldn’t have a threesome with him and this chick on our vacation. All of a sudden, our relationship went pear-shaped.
I’ve never told Drew that part of the story. It’s bad enough Jess would ridicule my sexual acts for never being quite what he wanted, or because I didn’t perform as he expected. He fed off my insecurities, and I was the stupid idiot who believed him. The day I busted Callie giving him a blowjob was the end. It cut me like a knife.
And to think I don’t feel I’m worth it is ridiculous. But, of course, I’ve let my insecurities get the better of me. Throwing myself into the dating scene is a lot harder than everyone makes it out to be. I’m not Drew. I no longer exude the confidence that lures the prey in and bingo, you’ve got yourself someone new. Men are jerks. They are untrustworthy jerks with wandering dicks.
With my persuasive voice, I ask the question again, “So, are you up for a walk?”
“All right. But promise me you’ll tell me if it’s too much?”
“Yes, roomie.”
A short time later we walk out the door. On this late summer’s night, the air is warm with a gentle breeze that laces my skin with goosebumps. Wearing only a light blouse and denim shorts, I cross my arms blocking my chest from the cool air.
With the city lights as a perfect backdrop, we stop off at a busy ice-cream shop not too far from the apartment. There’s a small queue waiting to be served, forcing us to wait in line.
The shop is decorated in 1970s’ décor with Elvis portraits hanging on almost every wall. In the corner sits a jukebox. An older woman is standing in front of it pressing the buttons and browsing through the catalog. Placing her hand in the pocket of her skinny blue jeans, she produces a coin and slots it into the jukebox. A U2 song plays. The woman looks very nostalgic until a man joins her. Their body language says it all. It’s a relationship on the rocks, and judging by the way the man’s eyes wander as a younger woman strolls past, I’m guessing it’s your classic trust issue.
The song choice isn’t helping my already depressed mood. Thankfully, the line moves quickly, and we’re out of there in a flash, continuing our stroll through the streets.
“Sometimes I forget how beautiful this city is,” Drew says wistfully, staring into the sky as he walks alongside me. “You know, growing up in Australia is completely different. Especially in a rural town.”
“Do the kangaroos just hop around your front yard?”
“Out where we lived, yes. But not in the city.” He laughs.
“See, I’ve been misinformed. My understanding was that they hopped around everywhere and sometimes you hitched a ride with them to the local store to pick up a jar of Vegemite.”