“Perhaps I went overboard. You know with the doves and all. But I felt even more pressured to please him given his bad mood. Did I push him into Raine’s vagina?”
Gigi shakes her head. “You can’t push someone into another person’s vagina without them wanting it in the first place.”
That statement confused me in my already-tired state.
“What do I do, Gigi? I love him. We’re supposed to get married next week, and even if he explained himself, I’m not sure any explanation will erase the hurt. Say he didn’t cheat on me, he was still in a sex club with a woman he knew I despise.”
She stands up moving toward the antique wood bookshelf hovering her hand over the rows of books before pulling one out. Walking back over, she hands it to me placing it in my lap. The book has a picture of a lady sitting in the middle of a field surrounded by wildflowers. The title is called Lost Now Found.
“Read this, please. Before you say or act on anything.”
I turn the book around scanning over the blurb.
“This isn’t the type of book I’d normally read.”
She softly chuckles. “No book boyfriend or hot sex. Trust me, it’ll help you make your decision.”
I open the first page as Gigi busies herself with a craft project. By the time I look up at the clock on the wall, three hours has passed, and I’m only a quarter into the book. I have to admit I’m engrossed in the story—powerful with a strong message on every page.
It follows the journey of a woman who had beaten the odds—breast and ovarian cancer in her thirties followed by her husband and brother dying, a tragic accident that took them in a split second. I held back the tears, clutching my chest as she described how she hit rock bottom and her decision to heal rather than take her own life.
In the wee hours of the morning I finally finished, closing the book as I held it tight to my chest. I cried for her, the pain she endured, her suffering, and that she was forced to fight for her life on too many occasions. And her message—loud and clear—was that to understand your purpose in life, you needed to dig down deep and search until there’s nothing left to search for.
I need to soul search, to understand what the hell went wrong and what I want now. Nothing in my life makes sense right now. I’m not prepared to marry Drew feeling uncertain about our future. I just need a sign, something to tell me there’s a purpose to this happening.
And with the wedding a ticking time bomb, I hope the answer will present itself soon.
***
“Zoey, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
Slater corners me in the staff kitchen while I make a double-shot coffee. My eyes are stinging, and no amount of concealer can disguise the dark circles.
“I’m fine, Slater. I simply need to be alone.”
He continues to hover making me uncomfortable with his proximity. From the corner of my eye, I can see he’s wearing that nice charcoal suit with a crisp white shirt. He has cut his hair slightly shorter but it’s still styled it the same way. I can’t deny that my hostility toward Drew and the sex club night only made Slater more attractive. He’s a good guy, funny, and we have a lot in common.
He’s not Drew.
Moving his body closer into mine, he traces my hand with the tip of his finger, keeping his voice low. “Zoe
y, you know how I feel about you.”
He wants to fuck me—that’s about it.
Slater doesn’t want anything else. He won’t guarantee me a lifetime of happiness and security. He isn’t my best friend.
I don’t say that out loud but rather created distance so I can let him down gently.
“I know how you feel, Slater. And I’m angry and hurt right now,” I say, continuing with a sense of reason. “You’re a great guy, but I need to find something… or at least I’m looking for something.”
“I don’t understand?” he questions, eyebrow raised, his jawline firm and still.
“Neither do I…” I trail off, patting his shoulder before walking away.
***
I spent the day writing down my thoughts instead of answering emails. The most burning thought, the one eating away at me right now—did Drew sleep with Raine?