Into the Light

“Hi son, Samantha called us over saying you had some news,” my dad said.

My mother leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Her face excited, I knew she had suspected something, her life-long dream of being a grandmother finally being fulfilled. I couldn’t keep up the charade, the anger I felt right now was overwhelming.

“Please, Andrew and Emily, sit down.” Samantha led them to the living room, my sister grabbing Samantha’s hand, jumping up and down.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Samantha asked.

“We’re fine, sweetheart, please what’s the big news?” my mother questioned.

“Well I might as well get straight to the point. Alex and I are expecting a baby!” she squealed.

Adriana started jumping up and down, hugging Samantha, careful not to squeeze her. My mother, already crying, also stood up to hug Samantha. My father held out his arms to me, waiting for a response.

“Congratulations, son, I knew you had it in you.” He patted me on the back like this was the biggest achievement of my life. Achievement? Ha! More like biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to go to Charlotte, more than anything I had ever wanted in my life, the urge to close my eyes and make this disappear lingering in my thoughts.

“Alex, geez you could look happier,” Adriana whined.

“I need… I need to go for a run.” I walked into my bedroom, putting on my trainers. I left the house, my parents and Adriana still basking in the news. I put my headphones on, looking at my playlist. I needed something that reminded me of a happier time. I scrolled through my mp3 player finding the song that she added to my player much to my dismay was Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Jefferson Starship. I remembered laughing when she put that song on because all I could think about were mannequins coming alive but it was her favorite movie. Tonight it took on a different meaning. I ran hard through the forest, not letting my mind think about the baby.

I stood against the tree, trying to catch my breath. The dream was falling apart; I was going to shatter this for us. I needed her right now; I needed to feel her one more time before our delusional bubble burst. The song quickly changed and I decided that I would do what I had done nearly every night I wasn’t with her. I stood in the dark watching her room.

My focus moved to her bedroom window, the lights were out, she must have been sleeping. I wanted to crawl into her bed, hold her tight and promise her we would get through this somehow. I ran back home, this time listening to Black Sabbath’s Evil Woman.

We slept in separate rooms that night, but I didn’t sleep. I lay awake thinking of ways to get out of this. How could I have let this happen? I didn’t recall having sex with her but then again I had been so wasted. I had to see Charlotte, just one more time. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. Tomorrow, I thought, I would tell her before someone else did.

Tomorrow arrived quicker than I anticipated, and with my gut in wrenching pain all day, I decided tequila would solve the problem. So maybe I drank more than I should have, but it eased the pain and hid that hollow feeling that seeped into every crevice.

She sensed it straight away and called me out on it. What I didn’t expect was for her to think I was telling her that it was over. Fuck the pain, stabbing me, not tiny daggers but samurai swords. One by one I felt them strike as I watched her expression. The sword was pulled out of my heart for a moment so I could say the words that echoed in my head: I couldn’t breathe without her.

I left her that day promising her that I would find a way for us to be together, somehow there had to be an answer that would solve this massive fucking mess I created.

Once I sobered up, I planned it out. I was going to tell Samantha I would support her and the baby but I couldn’t go on with our marriage, I didn’t love her. My heart belonged to Charlotte, it always would.

As I drove into my driveway I noticed my parents’ car parked there. Oh for fuck’s sake, more baby talk. As I opened the door, I heard sobbing. It was coming from the living room. I walked through the house to find Samantha sobbing into my mother’s arms, my father looking furious and Adriana, well, she sat there staring at the ground.

“What’s going on?” I asked hesitating as the ambience in the room was morbid.

“How could you do this to Samantha, Alex?” my mother angrily questioned me.

“What are you talking about, do what?”

“Charlotte.” My father strained as he spoke. Oh fuck. I knew one day it would come out but I didn’t think it would be in front of my parents, like this. I searched my brain for an explanation but nothing I said or did would ease this moment.

“Dad, I just—”

“You have screwed up big time, Alex! Your wife went into the hospital with pains today after she found emails between you and Charlie. Not only have you dishonored your marriage but you have put your child’s life at risk. What the hell were you thinking? She’s eighteen, Alex!”

There were no words to explain how much I loved her, that she was everything to me. I looked at Adriana, who still refused to look my way. The hurt was on her face, she lost her best friend. It shouldn’t be this way. She knew Charlie better than anyone else. Why couldn’t she understand why I did this? I walked over to Adriana placing my hand on he

r shoulder only to be met by a cold stare.

“Alex, it has been decided that Samantha and you will leave for San Francisco tonight. Her sister’s apartment has been vacated for months so you will be staying there. I will have all your things sent to you in the next few days. You are not to make contact with Charlie—”

“Dad, since when can you dictate what I do with my life? You have no idea what happened!” Furiously, I answered back, not caring how disrespectful I sounded.

“You will listen to me real good, son. If anything happens to that baby, you will be held responsible, you understand? I did not raise you to be like this. You will make this marriage work. You made vows in a church in front of God that you would love and honor her for as long as you both shall live,” he warned. “Your immaturity has landed you in this mess but you are an EDWARDS and you will rectify this immediately. You are to leave this town and never return. When Mark Mason gets wind of this you are going to wish you were long gone. As usual, I will deal with the aftermath of your mistakes. Do not embarrass our family any further.”

The doorbell rang; it was the car service. My mother ushered Samantha to the car taking along her suitcase, my father taking the other which I could only assume was mine. I don’t remember walking to the car and getting in, my mind not comprehending what just happened or what was going to happen. My father closed the door as I entered. I open the window slightly; I desperately needed to speak to my sister.