was all I could manage to say.
It was only eight and already I had done everything possible. Everything was set for tomorrow. I had been to the gym and showered and now what? I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to be greeted by Rocky and Elijah.
“Dude, you look like shit!” Rocky roared.
I caressed my beard, wondering what these two fuckers were doing here.
“Get changed, we’re heading out,” Elijah commanded.
“Where to?”
“Porky’s! It’s all-you-can-eat night.” Rocky laughed.
Porky’s turned out to be a seedy strip joint in the meat packing district. I don’t know why I honestly thought we were going to an actual all-you-can-eat restaurant. Rocky was sitting front row center, wearing an I EAT MEAT truckers’ cap. His eyes lit up any time one of the girls did their show in front of him. I’m surprised he did this kind of thing. I would have thought Nikki would have micro-chipped him or something.
The girls were nothing special, your typical fake tits, spray-on tan, fake eyelashes type of women. All bleached blonde, of course. They did nothing to ease my pain, not even when one tried to sit in my lap and rub her tits on my face. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and her eyes were glassy. No doubt did a line before she came on stage.
“Do you love this place or what?” Rocky cheered.
“Have you lost oxygen to your brain? Most likely from those extremely tight jeans you are wearing,” Elijah pointed out.
I almost spat out my bourbon. They were fucking tight jeans, like I mean you could see the curve of his ass cheeks and I DID NOT want that image entering my head whatsoever.
“Hey! It’s like the newest trend or something. Nikki picked them out for me.”
“Did she make you wear them tonight so your dick couldn’t get hard?”
“No... It can get hard. It’s just really tight in here.” He squirmed.
“And the color? What is that, Iris Purple?” Elijah asked.
“The fact that you even know that is pretty gay, dude. Besides, it’s violet blue.”
I roared in hysterics as he mentioned the color. Only a pussy-whipped married guy like Rocky would wear violet blue. Most likely to scare off any pussy that came near him tonight. As Rocky continued to justify his choice for tight feminine colored jeans, the topless waitresses continued to serve us drinks. By the tenth round I was losing focus.
“I’m surprised Adriana let you out tonight. Wait…this better not be your bachelor party because this is way too tame!”
“Me, out? I’m surprised Nikki undid your chain from the street post.”
“At least I’m guaranteed great pussy every night. It’ll happen to you, Elijah, when you get hitched.”
“Please stop talking about Elijah and pussy. He’s marrying my sister. C’mon Rocky, this was supposed to be a pain free night,” I whined.
“Oh yeah, my bad. Anyways so look, all I’m saying is that sometimes you need to spice things up a little, keep that fire going. For example one time, Nikki did actually use the dog chain on me. Made me eat her out for like an hour.” He lifted his glass with a wide shit-eating grin on his face.
“I’m not a bondage type of guy. We’re more into kama sutra, exploring different positions.”
“OH FUCK, NO ELIJAH, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.” Raising my voice I accidently tipped some bourbon into the peanut bowl. No one ever ate that shit, except for Rocky.
“Let’s change subjects perhaps.” Elijah frowned.
“OH YES!” Rocky cheered. The music started playing and Madonna’s Like a Virgin played over the speakers. The strippers strutted their stuff on the stage, all dressed in white virginal looking bodices with their little white thongs. The older girl pulled Rocky up onto the stage due to his over enthusiastic reaction to the song.
“Damn, those jeans look even tighter when the spotlight’s on.” Elijah winced.
“Fuck man, I think you can see the shape of his balls.” I scowled.
Rocky moved on the stage, mimicking the strippers as they slid up and down the pole. The sight was good and bad at the same time. Moments later he was surrounded by the three girls, tits all bouncing in his face. He looked like he was in titty heaven – that was until his face turned bright red and his goofy grin was replaced by an embarrassed, forced smile.