Into the Light

It was the only way I could say how I really felt, what was deep inside, eating away at me. It wasn’t my fault. Call me arrogant, call me whatever the fuck you want. I knew when I fucked up but this wasn’t one of those times. I lost my trust in her; I no longer wanted to play this sick twisted game. Lex Edwards never gave up, but he also didn’t settle for second place. If only she didn’t run to him, if only he wasn’t touching her, if only I didn’t see a slight spark in her eyes as he leaned in to kiss her.

She stood there smothering Julian who quickly walked away. She started to follow, then she turned back to face me one more time. “I was actually here to tell him it was over.” Her sullen expression gave away the words that I needed to hear only minutes earlier.

As she walked away from me the restaurant patrons busied t

hemselves pretending to ignore the scene I caused. Mr. Berkshire stood in front of me, a look of confusion on his face. Fuck! Now I had to deal with this. Kate took over most of the dinner meeting thankfully, because quite frankly I didn’t know if I was on my head or my arse. She knew what she was talking about and every so often Mr. Berkshire would ask me a question which fortunately I was able to answer. By the end of the night, Kate had him signing the contracts, which for Lexed was a huge deal.

It was a little after nine when we were done and Mr. Berkshire shook my hand congratulating me on hiring such an intelligent assistant. I needed to give her a raise.

Outside the restaurant, I knew Kate would finally ask me what I’d said.

“What did you say to her?”

“Kate, drop it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Lex?” Her tone threw me off, her abusive language and her calling me Lex all in one sentence. Since when did we cross the line from boss to friend? “For the past month I have watched both of you in agony. She loves you so much. All along it was you that she would go on and on about. Had I known, maybe things would have turned out differently. You actually love one another, yet neither of your stubborn fucking heads can seem to comprehend that. I don’t know what you said back there but believe me, if you want her, then go after her. You need to shit or get off the pot and fight till you are blue in the face. Show her that you cannot live without her.”

“What the fuck do you think I’ve been trying to do these past weeks? Sitting around, watching TV, scratching my arse? It’s over now, Kate... I’m done, I have no more fight left in me.” I walked into the liquor store next door, purchasing the strongest bourbon they had in stock. As I exited the store, Kate stood there watching me take a swig at the bottle.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Because I fucking love her and it hurts like hell.”

I said goodbye, making my way to my hotel room. As I entered the lobby I ran into Victoria who was checking in.

“What do you want, Lex? Don’t worry, the New York Times is retracting that statement so you can keep your pornographic shots of me to yourself,” she moaned.

I took another swig of the bourbon; this time the burning had stopped and the liquid felt smooth as it made its way down my throat. Victoria was decent looking, I mean when she wasn’t so conniving I could see that she was a head turner. Who knows what I was thinking anymore? My mind was spinning and I just wanted to forget everything that happened tonight.

“I don’t care about the pictures anymore. Come with me.”

I pulled her arm and she looked at me confused by my sudden change of heart. I pressed the elevator button and as the doors opened I dragged her inside pressing the button to the penthouse suite.

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Edwards?”

The doors finally opened and I pulled her hand to my door. As I swiped the card, she asked me one more time what was wrong.

“You want to fuck me? Well, get inside before I change my mind.”

Her face lit up like the Rockefeller Christmas Tree as she scurried inside and I closed the door behind us.

July 2005

The voices filtered through the apartment. It was now or never. Avoiding my family since the day it happened would only get me so far. How did they expect me to react? All ‘no worries Mom and Dad you did me a favor by dragging my butt here to San Francisco to stay with my wife and raise a baby I didn’t even want.’ At first I heard my mother. She sounded happy and the words I could make out were those of anticipation, waiting for this baby to arrive. I dragged myself out of bed making my way to the mirror. The beard that had grown on my face annoyed Samantha; that’s exactly why I kept it. The dark circles around my eyes had formed as a reminder of the nightmare I was living. I washed my face briefly before heading out to the living room.

“Alex, sweetie.” My mother held out her arms as her face changed from delighted to worried. She knew not to mention anything about my appearance in front of everyone, something my father had no problem with.

“Well, Alex, it’s nice to see you taking care of yourself. I hope you plan to clean yourself up before returning to work on Monday?”

My father had arranged for me to be transferred to San Francisco General Hospital. What he didn’t know was that I was just about to pull the plug on my medical career. How could I help people when I couldn’t even help myself? His overbearing ways would soon stop if I could just muster up the courage. I needed to stand up to him; I needed to be a man.

“Emily, Andrew – please come out to the balcony. I have prepared some lunch, I know it was a long drive for you.” Samantha ushered my parents to the balcony, leaving me alone with my sister.

Adriana stood there by the window. She didn’t look any better than I did, except no beard of course.

“Adriana, please… Talk to me,” I begged.

Moments passed and not a word was said. Would it always be like this between us? I missed my annoying sister. I fucked it up royally for her. And despite her not so warm behavior towards me, all I wanted to ask about was Charlotte.