Into the Light

“Charlie, look, I’ve had enough of this moping around and wasting your life away.”

I was sitting on the chair, facing the window. Watching the rain fall against the window pane, I stared crippled by the pain that had taken away my reason for living, my reason for breathing. Time was passing by. I didn’t know what day or month it was, I only knew that I needed to escape. The memories were everywhere I looked.

“I’ve spoken to Grandma Mason. She wants you to go stay with her.”

“Grandma Mason? I haven’t seen her in years. Do you mean in Connecticut?” I asked, alarmed. That was on the opposite side of the country. I wasn’t ready to completely let go.

“Yes, Connecticut. I love you, Charlie, but you need to get your life back together. This town is no good for you.”

He was right. The whole town hated me; I was the mistress whore. I had nothing left, I had been stripped bare and all my dirty laundry had been aired for all to see. I ran to my dad and hugged him tight. His overpowering smell of Old Spice comforted me. I buried my head into his shirt clutching onto him for dear life.

“I’ll miss you, Dad,” I sobbed into his shirt.

“Me too. More than you can imagine, kiddo.” He held onto me, kissing the top of my head before letting me go.

I walked up to my room, pulling a suitcase from my closet. I opened my dresser, pushing aside my clothes, looking for it. Underneath my shirts I pulled out the jersey, his jersey. I still hadn’t washed it and I allowed myself to do the one thing I said I wouldn’t do: I lifted it up to my face and inhaled the scent of the fabric. It was him.

I sunk to the ground and held onto the shirt, the tears falling down soaking the fabric. It was finally time to say goodbye. He was never coming back. He chose to leave me, chose to

walk away and never return, and so I mustered up the littlest strength I had and finished packing my bags. I stood at the doorway, looking at my room one more time. My bedroom no longer looked inviting, the walls stripped of any memory that reminded me of my best friend. This room, cold and empty, had no more life left in it, so as I closed the door I was saying goodbye to this life. Saying goodbye to Alex Edwards.

I sat there opposite Julian at a restaurant downtown. You could cut the tension with a knife. I wasn’t sure what to say. He grabbed my hand and I noticed the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Julian, we need to talk about us.”

He leaned in, cupping my cheek. I knew it was now or never that I had to tell him it was over. I knew where my heart belonged. I studied his face, this beautiful man handing his heart over, and in the moment before he leaned in to kiss me, I smiled. I knew he deserved better and one day he would look back and thank me. Maybe not now, but one day, one person would look at him the way I looked at Lex.

My train of thought was interrupted by a loud commotion. As I turned my head towards it, my mouth dropped at the sight in front of me. It was Lex standing before me with an attractive blonde… Wait, is that Kate?

What the hell?

It all fell into the place.

The flying back and forth coincidentally with Lex’s time here.

The controlling hot boss with a fucked up love life, pining for this one girl.

Blood drained from my face. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why didn’t I see the signs? Her voice rang in my head... It’s not his fault he lost the girl that he loved.

“Kate?” I asked in shock.

“Charlie?” she responded, quite obviously as equally shocked as me.

“How do you know Kate?” Lex asked abruptly.

She clasped her hand over her mouth as the realization of the situation set in.

He asked why I hadn’t returned any of his calls. Julian stood up, warning Lex to back off. It all happened so fast. Lex punched Julian square in the face, Julian stumbled as he was knocked back, the blood pouring from his face splattering all over my pale blue dress. Kate held Lex back, pleading with him to calm down while I held Julian back. He was covered in blood. I grabbed a napkin holding it gently to his face. I caressed his cheek, overcome by guilt at the pain I was causing him. Why couldn’t Lex see that Julian wasn’t to blame? That big illuminated arrow was pointing right above my head.

“Fuck you, Edwards! She doesn’t want you. If she did she wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now. Game over. Fucking leave her alone!”

Kate’s pleas were repeated. “Mr. Edwards, please don’t do this. You will regret it and lose her forever.”

I laughed at the irony. I was beyond defeated, physically exhausted, my head throbbing, my stomach weak. I needed desperately to sit down and catch my breath. My thoughts were jumbled, this situation was too much. I was tired...suddenly so very tired.

“Too fucking late, Lex. You lost me a long time ago. I was just stupid enough to think it was fixable.”

His demeanor changed, his posture straightening. I waited for him to reveal his true self; he already did by violently blaming Julian, but I didn’t expect him to communicate to me the way he used to, our most intimate form. He spoke in Spanish. As he said the words my brain interpreted them quickly and much to my horror, I understood what he said.