Into the Light

She ran back to me, her father yelling her name. She asked me one more time if I saw that light too; I nodded, giving her a small smile before she ran off back to her father. I stood there, this light, this girl named Carla, this sign, fuck, my head hurt. That was the last thing I remember before I passed out, slumped in the alleyway against some old crates.

God knows how much later, as I took in my surroundings, I knew that someone was watching over me. I was alive. The memories of last night flashed before me. The light, the girl named Carla. I tried to think about this rationally. Yes, she said the baby wasn’t mine but I remembered what Bryce said about the psych ward. Was she reliving a memory, lying in a hospital bed, déjà vu and shit? I knew Charlotte…she wouldn’t actually fuck Julian, not willingly anyway. Maybe it was a one-time thing, like after the Victoria shit that went down. No, that would have been too soon. If she already knew she was pregnant then it would have happened at least over a month ago. Okay so maybe I wasn’t in the picture, that was possible, she wouldn’t do that me, not after everything we’d been though. So realistically, say she fucked up once, and it was his. Do I let go of her for a lifetime?

There was only one question: was she worth it?

I knew the answer, and fuck the fucking universe with all its fate and destiny bullshit. If I wanted something to happen, I would make it happen – no matter what it took. She was mine all along and once again, I, Alexander Edwards, vowed not to stop, not until she was mine again.

Chapter 11

Charlie

Time had become a blur since the night he left me; well, should I say the night I foolishly pushed him away. I no longer knew what day it was. I was suspended in this ‘no man’s land’ struggling to climb out, looking for any sense of hope but it was impossible. I was on a familiar downward spiral and by the seventh day I knew it was near, that I would crack and be back in that place I said I would never go again. As I sat there on my couch I dialed his number, he answered knowing it was me, the familiari

ty of my voice. He knew enough about me to know that I needed him, that in this moment he was the only one who could save me.

I sat across from him in the corner of the coffee shop. I knew by reaching out to him that I was once again forever in his debt for what he had done for me. He smiled as he took a sip of his espresso, his self-composure always confident, and a small part of me was intimidated by how much power this man had over me. How decisions he chose to make affected my life. For the good or for the bad, the jury was still out on that one.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

“Charlie, I know enough to know why you called me.”

With my hands shaking, I remained silent. He placed his hand over mine, a gesture of comfort, of ease. I looked into his eyes. Did he know what I had done? Did he know the mistake I made?

“I don’t want to go back there... I don’t want to go back to that place.”

“You don’t have to.” He assured me, squeezing my hand tight. “You can make the decisions here; this is not about fate, Charlie. This is about you understanding that life will deal you a card and sometimes it’s of the lowest kind and it forces you to make the best of a situation. You are already better than you were by knowing you needed to call me. You’ve proven what you can accomplish, what you can get through if you believe in yourself and accept what is. Now you’re faced with a crossroads, so what road do you take? Do you take the easy route and run and hide as fast as possible or do you take the long windy road? In the end, the possibilities are endless.”

Just like that he placed the ultimatum in front of me. This was my decision. But I knew I had already thrown fuel into the fire, and part of me knew that although I was living this nightmare, his was even worse. The pain I had bestowed upon him was of pure hatred and why would I do that to the one person I loved more than life itself?

“I’ve said things…things to hurt him.”

“But you still love him?”

“I never stopped,” I whispered.

“Charlie,” he said softly, “choose your destiny and never let go of that. One day this conversation will be history.”

“How do you know that will happen?”

“Because if you really want something, I mean like really want it, you can have it. You just need to find the willpower and the strength. Look at the end picture and stop focusing on the pain you’re feeling right now.”

I smiled. He was right.

“I can’t thank you enough, you know, for what you did for me. I mean, my life…you know…I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“It wasn’t me, Charlie. I have my faults too. You reached out and needed my hand to lead the way but the walk, the journey, you did that all by yourself. Thank yourself, Charlie, not me.”

I couldn’t help but lean over and hug him tight. Despite what he just said my gratitude towards him couldn’t be ignored. Everything I was today I owed to him. The only way I could repay him was to move forward, find that better place, be that better person. I’d been given a second chance, now I was given my third.

“Remember what I said,” he reminded me as I pulled away. “This is your choice, your decision, your destiny. You want something…then go for it.”

I nodded, understanding what I needed to do to fix this catastrophe I created. It was going to be the biggest fight of my life but if what he said was true, if I look at the end picture, I won’t go down without a fight, without placing every morsel of hope, every bout of faith, every ounce of trust in us.

“There’s one more thing I need…a favor,” I said hesitantly.

“Charlie, you know you can ask for anything,” he responded with ease.

“I need…I need to you to do a DNA test…” I trailed off.