Into the Light

“Wait…who the hell is German dog-walking guy?” Bulls interrupts.

I let out a laugh, a momentary welcome distraction from all my worries as I sat around my friends, enjoying, just for a moment, how things used to be

“Do you not read my status updates? Honestly, Nikki…even Rocky knows about Karl!”

“Eric, I don’t have time to troll Facebook like you and my husband. So, explain… in proper English please, not Eric English.”

“Okay, so one of our clients, a well-known actress, has a dog walker. She owns three Shih Tzu’s and two bulldogs. Karl refers to them as Bullshits…” Eric roars at his own joke and Kate and I soon follow; I had to admit it was hilarious.

“So, anyway, Karl gets paid to walk her dogs every day. He just moved here from Germany, land of the sausage, and well…I blew him in the pool house while the dogs were taking dumps all over her newly manicured lawns.”

Kate burst out laughing, accidently knocking over her water. I stood up and grabbed some paper towels, barely able to control my own laughter.

“Eric, I don’t even know where to begin with this story. So, I’m guessing the reference to the bratwurst is because he is thick and juicy?” Bulls licked her lips, shooting one of her seductive looks at me and Kate. I rolled my eyes at her. For someone who had so much sex, I swear she acted like a deprived sixteen year old boy.

“I guess you could say that…too bad it was served with a side of sauerkraut.” Eric pinched his nose.

Kate banged her fist on the table, almost falling off her chair while Bulls, who is normally immune to Eric’s hilarity, broke down laughing and I just sat there enjoying my friends until a tear slid down my cheek. I was a tough person and I rarely broke down, but this was my marriage in crisis.

Bulls was the first to notice. “Charlie, tell us what the hell is happening?”

She moved her chair

closer and placed her arms around me. Nervously, I played with the bands on my finger; the metal felt like it was constricting my blood flow and I yearned to take it off.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on in my marriage,” I blurted out.

Eric and Kate remained still, Eric being the first one to open his non-filtered mouth.

“Do you think Lex is having an affair?”

“ERIC!” Kate and Bulls screeched in unison.

“No, it’s okay, guys. Of course it’s crossed my mind. Your husband barely looks at you let alone touches you, and that is automatically the first thing you think,” I mumbled.

“Well, okay, let’s think about this for a sec. Kate, wouldn’t you know what he’s up to?” Eric knowingly asked the question, raising the topic of Montana Black, Lex’s new assistant. I had ranted on several occasions about how perky she was, and when I say perky, I didn’t just mean her personality. Eric, of course, Facebook stalked her and dug up whatever information he could. Nothing exciting, of course. Bottom line was that she was spending more time with my husband than I was.

“No…I don’t see his schedule anymore. I mean, I could if I really needed to. Is that what you want me to do? I could hack into Montana’s schedule?” Kate worried, grabbed her cell and began typing a message.

“No, no, of course not. Listen, I’m probably just being paranoid. I’m sure it will sort itself out.” I said, not entirely sure who I was trying to convince, me or them. The word “affair” was ugly. I should know, after all, I was labeled a home wrecker many moons ago. Was this karma being a fucking bitch? Had she finally found my address?

“Girl…when was the last time he fucked you?” Bulls was straight to the point.

I shuffled my feet; it wasn’t that I didn’t know, it was because I knew exactly when it was, and it was killing me.

“Hmmm two months ago…the day before Elijah passed away.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

I was waiting for a look of shock from my friends, but instead each one of them placed their hands on mine. I looked up as my eyes clouded with tears.

“You’ll get through this, you have us. Don’t ever forget that.” The three of them smiled as I placed my other hand on top of theirs, it was exactly what I needed to hear right now.

…

Lex called occasionally to say he would be home late from work, but he’d rarely be home before midnight. He succumbed to his old ways, buried himself in his work, and spent the little time he had free with Adriana and Andy.

It broke me; each day it hurt more and more. I tried to keep my mind busy, but without him, I was slowly dying inside. The insomnia set in; I was out of my mind trying to save my marriage. Things hadn’t improved, if anything they were getting worse. I struggled to find a moment alone with him without Amelia around us constantly distracting him from any kind of conversation. Emily knew Lex had reverted back to what she called ‘post Charlie’ days, and on a whim, took Amelia for the night, knowing Lex would be home in an hour. The hour ticked by and nothing. I knew that I needed a distraction, so I sat at the dining table with some briefs I needed to work on. Two hours later I heard the car pull up the driveway. My heart beat intensely as I waited for him to enter the house. Strong-willed Charlie decided to fly the coop the second I laid eyes on my husband. Despite our relationship taking a turn for the worse, I wanted him so badly.

I ached for him to look at me, for his emerald green eyes to feast on me the way they used to. On several occasions, I had to take matters into my own hands, because that’s how fucking desperate I had become. Of course, it was when I was in the shower, and every single time I wished he would enter and fuck the living daylights out of me, but that never happened.