Into the Light

Bulls made her entrance with Rocky who immediately hit up the bar. I asked her what was wrong and she rambled on about how he was complaining that he had blue balls. Like he could talk. I had blue fucking vagina from no sex in months. I was hitting up my rabbit any moment I had alone time. Good ole’ faithful bunny hadn’t been used for over a year and suddenly it’s rabbit season.

I mingled in the crowd, saying hello and doing the social thing, there in body but my mind elsewhere. I lied through my teeth when I was asked about Lex; thank god I was a lawyer and knew the art of showing no emotions. I would have been on my fifth champagne when a familiar voice said my name. I turned around and it was none other than Julian Baker.

“Julian?”

He stood there before me and I would be lying if I said he had no effect on me whatsoever. He hadn’t changed one bit, his looks on par with the ever so dashing Christian Bale. Maybe his hair was cut a little shorter, his chiseled jaw freshly shaven, and he smelled so fucking amazing that my blue vagina may have skipped a beat.

“If it isn’t the gorgeous Charlie Mason.”

“Edwards… Charlie Edwards,” I corrected him.

Yeah, but for how much longer? Stop right there, Charlie.

“Right, of course. So tell me, gorgeous, how have you been?”

Fuck, did I slightly melt at him calling me gorgeous? No, you didn’t, Charlie, you are just mad at your husband.

“Good. And you? Are you still living in New York?”

“No, I moved to LA not long ago.”

Oh.

We chatted about his move, and surprisingly it felt just like old times. We laughed about life in general; never once did he ask about Lex. Thank god. And maybe it was my paranoia, but he was standing awfully close.

“Dance with me, gorgeous.”

“Julian… I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”

“Why? Your husband didn’t care enough to attend this event and celebrate this milestone of yours. Why can’t an old friend celebrate with you?”

“Because we were more than just friends, Julian.”

He held out his hand, and reluctantly, I took it. There was something comforting and familiar about his touch, something I craved so desperately, intimacy.

We danced slowly, the song setting the mood. We remained quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment. I knew I was I playing with fire here, I mean I was going to marry this guy. I’d planned to have kids with this man. I did things to him in the bedroom that could only be described as ferociously kinky. I needed to back away now, before it was too late, the voices in my head were screaming at me.

It was almost like he knew; he pulled me in closer and whispered “Gorgeous, I’ve missed you.” And this time I knew there was more to this as I felt him inhale my scent with his eyes closed.

I was at a loss of what to do, my head telling me to run with my vows still intact, but the hurt Charlie, the one that yearned for her husband who pushed her away, was enjoying this moment and missed the feeling of being wanted.

“I should have fought harder for you…I let him win.”

“It wasn’t a game, Julian.”

“But he won.”

“Did he?” Fuck, I didn’t mean for that to come out. I was hurting and I wanted to hurt Lex for hurting me, for giving up on our marriage, on us.

“Gorgeous, I still love you.” His stare was boring into me.

He said the words that every part of me wanted to hear. Just not from him.

“Tell me you still feel the same.” I could hear him begging for me to say yes.

“Julian…I do still love you, but I’m not in love with you and certainly not in the way you deserve to be loved. You can’t erase the past, and for a while, we were happy.”

“And now…leave him Charlie. He doesn’t deserve you.”