Chasing Love (Dark Love 1)

Why am I not calling everyone I know?

The ring is taunting me, its weight now unbearable. It’s beautiful, but this moment isn’t what I imagined. I feel guilty as I sit here wearing this piece of jewelry with a symbolic meaning. This ring means the promise of committing myself to Julian for the rest of my life. I take the ring off my finger, sliding it across the table as far away from me as possible.

My phone begins to ring, startling me. I glance at the screen, smiling instantly as his name and goofball face flashes on the screen. Always perfect timing, he’s just what I need right now.

“What are you wearing?” he asks in a low voice.

“A slutty black dress.”

“Why do I believe that?”

“Because I’m a New Yorker, and that’s what we wear on Tuesday nights…” I pause for a brief moment. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he responds at ease.

“When are you guys coming back to visit?”

“When are you gonna come home?”

Home—this is home, here in Manhattan.

“Finn, you know I can’t go back.”

“But one day, you will. You better come and stay with me, just like old times. I’ll fight ya hard for the remote. We can eat cookie dough straight from the packet, and if you’re good, and I mean real good, I may let you ride my Harley.”

I laugh out loud just like old times. “Do I get to bunk with the kids?”

“I’m sure they would love that.” He chuckles with his burly voice. “But, hey, your funeral, not mine.”

“I miss them. I miss you, and I miss Jen. How is she? Please give her big hugs for me.”

“She’s right here.”

The phone volume changes as I’m placed on speakerphone.

“Hi, honey. I miss you, too. It’s been too long. Where’s my weekly update on Batman?”

It’s now or never.

“Actually, I have some news. Tonight… well… Julian kind of… I’m engaged.”

There’s a long silence followed by a child’s cry in the background.

“Honey, congratulations…” Jen says, her voice unsure. “Listen, I have to put Milo down for the night. Call me tomorrow, let’s talk more. I need details. I love you.”

I heard the change in volume as I’m taken off speakerphone. “Finn?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” he mumbles.

I nervously laugh. “So… me, engaged. Who would’ve thought?”

The silence only prolongs what’s bound to be said. If anyone understands my hesitation in this moment, it’s Finn. The boy who stole my heart kept it in his pocket for safekeeping, then became my best friend.

“Charlie, I can hear it in your voice. You’re scared.”

“Not scared, Finn, just a little apprehensive. I didn’t think this day would ever come,” I whisper.

“It’s me. Your best friend since we were in our mother’s wombs. The guy you so willingly lost your virginity to at the age of sixteen. I know you, Charlie, and this hesitation is because of him, and I hate that.”