; “Yes, only marginally better than proposing when your girlfriend is riding you in the back of your truck?” Nikki chastises.
“Well, you said yes. Can’t have been all that bad.” Rocky winks.
It was a beautiful story even though my heart sinks right to the bottom of the ocean as he tells it. Unable to handle my emotions and where they are heading, I excuse myself and walk back to the house.
I find my keys, license, and jacket, then I walk to the front of the house where my bike is parked. The helmets sit on the handlebars, so I grab one, placing the other on the porch and walk back to my bike, jumping on.
The sound of the engine roaring is enough to soothe me. As I adjust my helmet, arms wrap around me. Without turning around, my heart sinks deeper knowing it’s him.
In my rear-view mirror, he has already placed the spare helmet on. With his arms wrapped tight around me, I drive off, choosing another beach to visit and not last night’s location.
The speed is ticking over, my anger spiking as the speed is well above the legal limit. Taking a sharp turn, I pull into the beach and stop the bike, abruptly jumping off and ferociously removing my helmet.
“Why the fuck did you get on the bike?” I shout at him.
“Charlotte, please. I’m—”
“No, Lex,” I interrupt, pointing my finger at him. “I’m done! I’m so tired. I can’t play this game anymore. It’s too tiring. Things with Jul…” I trail off not wanting to go there.
“What are you going to say about Julian? Is that what it’s come down to now? You can’t handle us, so you pick Julian?”
“Lex, we’re too complicated.”
“And so because it isn’t with him, you think that’s love?”
“I never said that.”
“Well, Charlotte… I. Fucking. Love. You,” he yells, raising his hands into the air. “I’ve always loved you. You know, you have hurt me, too, and here I am trying to fight for us even though you keep pushing me away. You tell me it’s between him and me. Well, here I am. Say it once and for all to my face, and I swear if you choose him I’ll walk away. You’ll never have to see me ever again.”
I stand there, silently faced with an ultimatum.
Despite my strength and willingness to hold myself together, the walls crumble, and the tears carelessly fall down my cheeks.
His expression immediately softens, and his arms wrap around me so tight that I can’t let him walk away because if he does, I’ll blame myself for the rest of my life.
“Lex, I’m so scared of losing you again.”
“Charlotte, look at me… please.”
He cups my chin, lifting my head, so our eyes meet. They shine so brightly, capturing me, taking me to a special place only he can ever do. “You won’t. I won’t let that happen to us.”
Tilting his head, he kisses the tears away from my cheek, making them disappear.
We stand here, for how long, I don’t know. Tired, he pulls me along as we sit on the sand, his arms wrapping around me to protect me from the ocean breeze.
“Lex, did you ever think about leaving her for me?”
“All the damn time. I’d replay the conversation in my head, have it all planned out. I was reaching my breaking point. I knew how many lives it would affect but I didn’t care. The day I had planned to tell her, she dropped the bombshell.” His voice croaks, the memory painful. “I hated her so much at that point. My parents and Adriana were so happy. When she went to the hospital because she was in pain, and after the stories my mother told me about losing a baby, I knew that if anything were to happen it would be all my fault.”
I froze, unable to comprehend what he said. With every fiber in my being, I attempt to change the subject. I’m weak, I know that. Life is cruel. I learned that the hard way, but opening up that dark, cruel world is no way to start anew.
“I felt so pressured, Charlotte. No control over my life whatsoever.” He held me tighter, brushing his lips against my hair. “I might be controlling now, but the decisions I make are all mine. I have no one to answer to but myself. I thought that was how I wanted to live, but without you, there is no life. You need to know that all I want is you.”
Tilting my head to the side, I kiss his beautiful lips. Can I have him forever? Could this finally be it for us? The happily ever after we both are so desperate for?
I know I hold all the cards and this is ultimately my decision.
I need to place all my trust in him, once and for all.