Chasing Us (Dark Love 2)

I walk out of the restaurant to Julian who’s in the middle of the sidewalk. We both stand, the cold night upon us, yet I’m numb, unable to feel anything but guilt. Julian’s eyes are blazing, ready to air everything out in the open. No more lies, Charlie. This is my chance to do the right thing.

“Is it true what he said?”

“Let’s go back to my place and clean you up first,” I offer, saddened by his bruising face.

“Charlie, I asked you a fucking question!”

I bow my head, my eyes clouding as tears drop like an endless waterfall. “Yes, Julian. What he said is true. The truth is, I love him despite all his flaws. More than you can ever imagine.”

“I’m not going to stand here and beg you to choose me,” he croaks, the pain lingering in his words.

The hurt is much more than I imagined. I love Julian, just not in the same way I love Lex. They may have been different types of love, but it still hurts like fucking hell. I’d spent the last eight years battling the pain caused by my foolish actions as a teenager only to experience a heightened version of it once again.

There’s only one thing I need to do. This is it, no turning back. Let go of him, Charlie. You don’t need him as a safety net. Set him free.

And that’s what Julian has become, a safety net.

My heart belongs to one man, always did and always will. That man may have told me we were done, but I can’t give my whole heart to Julian, and that’s what he deserves—a woman who will make him her world.

I slide the ring off my finger, having only placed it back on before I came here, and hold it before him.

“Charlie…” he barely whispers, his voice hoarse, almost cracking. “We’re so good together. I need you… you don’t understand how much I need you.”

“I’m sorry, Julian.” I choke back the sob stuck in my chest. “You don’t know how much I wish this turned out differently, I really do, but I can’t live this lie. I can’t help how I feel.”

I extend my hand out further, this beautiful ring in all its glory represents what our life could’ve become. No matter what happens from this moment onward, no one can ever take away Julian being the first man to propose marriage to me. It will forever be a beautiful memory to cherish.

Shaking his head with a grimace, he stares at the ring and finally takes it from me, clutching it in his hand. With a look of sorrow, he leans in, placing a final kiss on my lips.

My tears cascade between us, falling onto our kiss as our final goodbye.

Pulling away, he turns around without saying goodbye, without a single word and steps off not looking back.

Bringing my shaking hand to my forehead, I glance toward the restaurant, contemplating if I should talk to Lex, but the thought alone overwhelms me. More so than ever, I need to be alone.

With my head hanging in shame from my careless behavior and pain I’ve caused everyone, I raise my hand and hail a cab to head home.

No good will come from my company tonight.

And once again, the darkness has found me.

But this time, it’s all my own fault.

CHARLIE

Nine Years Ago

“Charlie, look, I’ve had enough of this moping around and wasting your life away.”

I was sitting on the chair, facing the window, watching the rain fall against the windowpane. It was unusual for it to rain in the summer, but then again, nothing surprised me anymore.

The gentle tapping against the glass was almost soothing, a noise I welcomed to drown out the incessant voices in my head telling me he chose her.

I continued to stare, crippled by the pain which had taken away my reason for living, my reason for breathing. Time was passing by. I didn’t know what day or month it was. All I knew was I needed to escape. The memories were everywhere I turned.

“I’ve spoken to Grandma Mason.” Dad cleared his throat, unable to look at me. “She wants you to go stay with her, and frankly, I agree with her.”

My body shuffled on the chair and I turned to face him. The memories of my grandmother were fond from the handful of times I had spent with her. I recalled my sister telling me Grandma and Mom had some sort of beef. She didn’t know what it was, but she thought Grandma didn’t want Dad to marry her. I was young when she told me, and perhaps, unknowingly, it tarnished my image of my grandmother as I always took my mom’s side.