Chasing Her (Dark Love 3)

I shake Charlie slightly to keep her conscious and hand her the baby.

“Look, Charlie… it’s your baby.”

“My baby…” she mumbles, eyes closing. “My baby is alive?”

“Yes, and it’s beautiful.”

Charlie is beaming despite her exhaustion, barely able to keep her eyes open or focused. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

Gee idiot, you could’ve checked that. I look beneath the blanket, a little confused by the cord. “It’s a baby girl… you have yourself a be

autiful baby girl.”

She smiles, but I see the light fading.

I continue to talk, ramble, whatever. “Look, she has your brown hair, and I think… I see a hint of green eyes. Just like Lex’s.” The words come out of my mouth, surprising even myself. This child is a blessing. Even though it has his blood running through her veins, witnessing this moment, I’m honored. Yet like a double-edged sword, I know everything I feel for Charlie does not measure up to the love they have for each other. These blessings create an everlasting bond which can’t and shouldn’t be broken by selfish acts.

And in this moment, I realize my life, my actions are one big selfish act.

I continue to watch Charlie interact with her daughter while I hold her against her chest.

Even in her frail state, I’m vulnerable staring at her beauty and everything she represents in my life.

Charlie is everything I want in a woman, everything I want in a soul mate. But what do you do when that whole life you envisioned, the one wrapped up in that neat little package along with white picket fence and minivan is slipping away from you?

Worse yet, what if you’re the one pushing it away?

In the distance, the sound of sirens blare on repeat, the loud annoying noise drawing closer to us. I scream for help, a worthless move considering the noise overpowers my pleas. The lights turn around the bend, and the paramedics slow down, pulling alongside my car.

It’s only a matter of moments before I see them run down the hill with their equipment and stretcher, followed by a distressed Lex.

“Charlotte!” He falls to the ground, his lips trembling with fear.

Cradling her body in his arms, it takes him a few seconds to realize she’s holding the baby to her chest. The lady paramedic asks Lex to move out of the way so she can examine Charlie and the baby. Lex argues but soon realizes his wife and baby need assistance.

The male paramedic is kneeling on the ground assessing Charlie’s laceration. He turns his head to ask me what happened.

“I saw the car in the ditch and found her inside. She told me she crashed because she had a contraction.” I continue on with a shaky voice, “I found her in the car, but I couldn’t open the door. Her head was bleeding, but it was a superficial cut. I asked her if she could move all her body parts, and she said yes, so I gently moved her through the trunk as I was paranoid the car would explode.”

My heart is heavy at the thought.

Someone was watching over us.

“She said the baby was coming, but I could see she was blacking out, so I kept talking to her to keep her conscious, and then she pushed, and the baby came out.”

The lady gives me a sympathetic smile. “You did well. Most people would panic in this situation. The best thing you could’ve done was keep her conscious.”

The paramedic cuts the umbilical cord, and, with caution, they lift Charlie onto the stretcher. She cries for her baby, begging to take it with her. The paramedics explain to her that they need to get to the hospital and make sure both she and the baby are fine. They need to be under observation for the next forty-eight hours.

I watch Lex, distraught as he clutches for Charlie’s hand and reassures her everything is going to be fine.

And this moment becomes the hardest part, the moment my heart bleeds again, the moment I’m tortured by my inability to control my emotions, to find any part of me worth the air I am breathing.

The weak smile on my face, a mask I wear, pretending everything will be okay.

She’ll be okay with her family.

I’ll be okay on my own.