They are walking up the hill, but Lex turns to face me. I wait for his questions.
There are no words, just a look of anguish before he turns back around and climbs into the ambulance with Charlie.
I watch them drive away, and on the side of the road, in the dark night, my tears fall, and I drop to my knees.
It’s officially over.
I have no idea how I made it home.
I’m paralyzed with a numbing feeling, one acting like a shield erasing tonight’s events, tonight’s nightmare. The fear and terror of watching Charlie almost die in front of my eyes is replaying in my head, then that confusing thought of what if I didn’t go to see her? Did this wrong move make it right? Screw the fate bullshit, someone was watching over Charlie. She had angels swarming over her like paparazzi, and so it should be. If anyone deserves to stay on this earth, it’s Charlie.
Me, I’m scum in the lowest form. I don’t deserve anything, especially Charlie.
As I turn the key to my apartment, I hear voices. I don’t need this, not now. All I want to do is head straight to the shower and then to bed, leaving Tristan to his own devices.
Walking through the apartment, I see Tristan sitting on the couch with a familiar blonde. They are laughing and enjoying pizza and beer. He sees me, and his expression changes. Concern, pity—yeah, I’m worthless. Kill me now.
“You look like shit, but hey, meet Claudia.” Tristan introduces the familiar-looking blonde with very big tits.
Very, very big tits. No fucking way!
She looks at me, puzzled, then it clicks. “Julian?”
I muster up the tiniest of smiles, and I mean it’s not even a smile, more like a this-is-awkward glare. I really don’t need this shit right now.
“How do you know each other?” Tristan asks suspiciously.
I have no excuse, I’m too exhausted even to comprehend my actions. “Uh… we met at a bar. Listen, nice seeing you again. I’m beat, see you in the morning, Tristan.”
I don’t even wait for a reaction before I head to the shower where I stand there stagnant, no emotion, nothing but emptiness, trying so hard to wash it all away. I sit down on the tiles, back against the wall, letting the water fall against my skin. The tears are solid, becoming deep sobs causing my chest to ache in a way I have never felt before. I open my eyes enough to see my skin wrinkly from so much time spent under the water.
Making my way out, I wrap a towel around me, ready to head to bed. Sleep—my only salvation.
Opening the bathroom door, I see Tristan standing in the middle of the hallway with his bag. His fallen face turns to disgust as he sees me exit.
I really don’t need this.
“I’m fairly certain I know how you know Claudia, and you’re a fucking jerk. You knew she was my girlfriend.”
“Listen, kid, I had no idea—”
“Bullshit! It’s like you have no fucking idea how to deal with your own mess of a life, so you have to ruin it for others.”
I’m looking for sympathy, trying to keep my voice down. “Look, I’ve had a terrible night—”
“What? You get busted for stalking your ex?”
Silence.
“I don’t need this.” I turn my back.
“Maybe you do need this. You’re wasting your life. What the hell happened to you, huh? I used to look up to you and just look at you. You’re just a huge fucking disappointment. Why the fuck are you so jaded?”
“I don’t need to answer to anyone.”
“Yeah, well, neither do I.” Tristan picks up his bag.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I sound parental. This isn’t what I signed up for.