Chasing Her (Dark Love 3)

“I better go.” My face softens as I attempt to walk away.

In a sudden move, Tristan pulls me into a hug. It’s exactly what I need, a small reminder that maybe there are people who do care about me. Maybe I need to stop being a self-absorbed asshole and open my eyes to see that others around me need attention. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Julian Baker, and the quicker you figure that out, the quicker you can go live your life.

Patting him on the back, acknowledging his kind gesture, I pull away and head toward the door, but not before Eric yells again, “By the way, you look like shit. And it wouldn’t hurt you to take a shower. Sheesh!”

With Tristan gone, I’m able to take some leave from work and bury myself in my manuscript. Two weeks of living on cheap packet noodles and coffee. Showering is unheard of, even after Eric’s caustic outburst, and I’ve grown this beehive beard. At first, it irritated me, but I soon got over it, and now I swear, bees could nest in there.

With money running low, or should I say non-existent, I canceled my gym membership and reverted to running through the neighborhood each morning and night to burn off the frustration I’m feeling. I ignore visiting any place where there’s a chance of running into Charlie. On the plus side, I’m meeting new people like the old lady down the road who offers me a glass of homemade lemonade every time I run past. Not wanting to be rude as well as being extremely thirsty, I take her up on her offer, and homemade lemonade soon becomes baked shortbread moving onto chicken pot-pie. Needless to say, I’m well-fed, and noodles soon became a distant memory.

Late one morning, I hit send, and the email is officially sitting in Mr. Grimmer’s inbox. Leaning my back against the chair, I crack my knuckles one by one in an attempt to relieve the tension. Thirty hours straight with no sleep, so to say I’m exhausted is an understatement. The worst part is that somewhere in the past twenty hours, I realized I hadn’t gotten laid in what seemed like forever and hadn’t even thought about jerking off, until now.

Clean slate. Just unadulterated raw sex, no names, and no identities. Grabbing my phone, I type in the URL until the page is smothered with every fantasy possible. Clicking on the girl-on-girl porn, I watch for a few minutes attempting to stroke myself but with no relief.

An hour later, it feels like mission impossible until I stumble on a Brazilian gangbang and gee was she in for a special treat with the ten guys hovering over her.

Exactly one minute and ten seconds is all it takes.

Now I’m spent.

I start to doze off until an annoying sound chimes, startling me from my slumber. I’m tempted to ignore it, but thinking it could be Mr. Grimmer, I reach to the floor where I left my laptop last and pull it up to my face to read.

Charlie: Hi Julian, hope all is well. I would love to catch up with you just to say thank you for everything you did for me, if that’s ok. Would you be able to meet us at a park this afternoon? Charlie xx

It’s the last person I expected, and it’s testing my strength. I’m finally moving on, not to mention she used the word ‘us.’ Lex won’t allow her to see me, and surely if he did, he’d hover over us like a vulture ready to feed on a carcass. There’s a part of me, however small it may be, that feels like I owe her this. Whether it’s closure, gratitude, whatever the fuck you want to call it, and with that in mind, I text back agreeing to meet. It’s only seconds later she responds with a time and place.

And, two hours later, I’m sitting on a park bench, showered and shaved. The beard would scare the children, and it isn’t like I’m trying to impress Charlie. Waiting in anticipation, my hands begin to feel clammy, the sun not helping my cause.

Children are darting in and out of the playground, oblivious to anything happening around them. It makes me think about children, family, that whole marriage bullshit. I’m thirty fucking three, and time is wearing thin to start a family. Not to mention, meeting a woman who I want to share my life with. It’s a life I’m not sure I want anymore, yet it’s flashing before my eyes—what I could be missing out on? Reality hits a few moments later when I get hit in the head with some action figure which a kid throws in the air.

Perhaps that annoying little shit should learn how to act in public.

Yeah, maybe I’m not missing out on anything after all.

At first, I hear the voices, forcing me to look in that direction. Charlie is only a few feet away, pushing one of those strollers which looks like a hovercraft. As I suspected, she’s not alone. Lex is standing behind her, watching me with an uncharted look. He bends down to kiss Charlie on the cheek and walks away, tailing his daughter who has ru

n off to the swings.

Charlie welcomes me with a warm smile, taking a seat beside me on the park bench. She’s wearing a pair of shorts and a shirt with DC characters on it. Tristan and Charlie would have a lot in common. She continues to smile, and it’s impossible to ignore the glow illuminating her beautiful skin. I can’t thank the Lord enough. She looks healthy. Alive.

Remember, that’s what you wanted, to walk away with Charlie alive and happy.

“Hey.” She grins.

Charlie appears to be nervous, fidgeting with a loose hem fraying on her shorts. It only lasts a few moments before the baby lets out a wail, distracting Charlie from our awkward silence. With ease, she gently picks up the baby from the stroller and cradles her in her arms. The wailing becomes softer, and without too much intervention, the girl is settled and quiet.

I manage to muster up what I can. Lex’s stare stops me from anything further.

“So, this is her?” I keep my expression to no more than a faint smile.

Charlie beams as she talks about her daughter. “This is Ava Lily Edwards.”

“She’s grown so much, a beautiful girl. I’m really happy for you.”

“That means a lot to me, Julian.” She pauses as if she’s choosing her words carefully. I know Charlie well, she’s outspoken, and at times, she and Eric are like two peas in a pod. She is known for being blunt, yet still knows the meaning of tact and manners, unlike Eric, who was born with the verbal-diarrhea gene.

“The reason I called you is that both Lex and I want to thank you…” Her eyes are drawn to him as she says his name, and the connection between them is indisputable. It’s almost like you can see a magnetic force pulling them to each other. I’m not completely immune to jealousy, yet I know where I stand with Charlie, and that’s not by her side as her husband and father to her children. What the hell am I doing here, rubbing a bottle of salt in a wound? And I mean, of gigantic proportions. They are a happy family, I get it. And I’m a nobody.

She continues to speak, “I know Lex may not show it, but he’s as thankful as am I that you saved us. I don’t care what you were doing, Julian. All I care about is that this little girl survived and without you… it wouldn’t have happened.”