“Because you seem to like a particular type of girl, you know, brown hair, tanned skinned, stunning,” she rambles on.
“That’s judging me, isn’t it? I don’t have a type. In fact, you—” I cut myself off, immediately not believing I almost said the words that will change our relationship.
There’s no relationship, and we’re just friends.
There can’t be a relationship.
Be careful of the words that come out of your mouth. Adriana isn’t like everyone else.
“What were you going to say to me?” She swallows, nervously toying with the napkin in her lap.
“Uh, no… I was…” Quick, think of something!
“Please… just be honest with me,” she begs.
I stare into her green eyes, searching for a piece of her that will give me the courage to say what I want to say, what has been eating me inside and tearing me to pieces. I see something, but that can easily be my overactive imagination. I’m terrified of hurting her. She doesn’t need the burden in her life.
“Adriana, I can’t admit to you my feelings because it isn’t fair to you.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”
“I think you’re beautiful…” I hush, unable to continue looking at her. My palms are sweaty, and I play with the edge of the tablecloth. Looking into her eyes is too intimate, and that level of intimacy is something I know Adriana is uncomfortable with.
“I don’t feel that way.”
My face meets hers, and I see the turmoil she’s in. “Why?”
“Because I’m broken. I feel like a vase in a store that’s been chipped and cracked and left on the sale rack on clearance at ninety-nine cents, and everyone ignores it because they can’t repair it.”
“Maybe it doesn’t need to be repaired. Maybe it needs to be accepted for its imperfect perfections.”
Her eyes are clouded, lips quivering. I don’t want her to cry. It pains me to see how much she devalues her own worth.
The food arrives, distracting us from the intense conversation. She moves the food around her plate, a loss of appetite after the realizations of tonight weighs on her mind.
“Adriana, let’s put that conversation aside. I want you to enjoy tonight. No date stuff… just as friends, okay?”
The switch in topics seems to brighten her mood. “So, I picked up Andy today from day-care, and he was walking around with handbags.”
I laugh. “Too much influence from Eric?”
“His cousin, Amelia, is the complete opposite. She wears superhero costumes every day and literally repels anything girly.”
“I thought it was odd until Charlie explained the reason why.”
I see Adriana’s shoulders tense. “I’m surprised Lex allowed you to speak to her.”
Unsure of how to respond to that, I take a bite of my food, ignoring Adriana’s shift in mood which is of no surprise anymore.
“I’m sorry. I guess you wouldn’t want to hear his name. After all, he stole your girl, right?” Her smile fades.
“She wasn’t mine to begin with.”
The chime of my cell interrupts us. I see the familiar number and ask to be excused while I take the call—it’s Mr. Grimmer.
I step outside the restaurant and stand by the door as I answer the call. At first, Mr. Grimmer starts talking about my manuscript and his review. He goes on and on about certain chapters, people, about how I captured this and how, at certain moments, his emotions got the better of him, and he wasn’t sure if he could continue. It feels like hours of standing here, not surprised one bit when Adriana comes outside to check on me.
She seems to have understood that the call was important enough to warrant walking away, but I reach out and hold onto her arm and mouth for her to stay.