Chasing Her (Dark Love 3)

“No, you had every right to run off. I should’ve considered how it would affect you. I was caught up in the excitement, and it was selfish of me. I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“Neither do I…” she trails off, rocking back and forth with her hands in her pockets.

“So, Australia, huh?”

“I know, right? What an opportunity.” Around me, my eyes wander to the people who surround us. “I’m gonna miss this crazy group of ours.”

“And we’ll miss you, too.” She grins, knocking my arm with hers.

For most of the afternoon, we have fun eating and being merry. Hazel doesn’t hold back in cooking up a storm despite my attempt to help her in the kitchen which she flat out refused.

Jerry immerses himself in playing with Andy. I have never seen him like this—alive, full of smiles. I can’t help but notice how happy it makes Hazel to see him like this, given his previous hatred for children. Andy is lapping up the attention, and Jerry, he’s like a little boy again, chasing the dogs and playing fetch.

Fred is busy teaching Tristan how to play Mahjong. Tristan is a gamer, so he can’t be any more in his element. Fred enjoys sharing his wisdom and knowledge with others as it gives him a sense of worth, building the strength he needs to overcome his fears and live a normal life.

Eric and Penny are immersed in a hair conversation. I choose to zone out, there’s only so much conversation involving hair I can deal with. You might think by looking at their body language that it’s a heated debate on Russian politics, when all along it’s simply about bangs.

Adriana and Hazel bring out a cake—chocolate and covered in sprinkles. It looks delicious. Jerry and Andy run toward them, almost knocking them over.

“I love chocolate sprinkles,” Jerry says excitedly.

“Me, too, Jerry! We can be best friends now… pretty please?” Andy begs.

“Sure, why not, kid?” Jerry gives him a genuine smile.

Hazel slices the cake and hands everyone a piece. I guess it’s time for me to make a speech, something I want to do to express my gratitude.

I quickly ask for everyone’s attention, the voices softening until there’s only the sound of a warm breeze rustling the trees.

“This is, well… surreal,” I begin, clearing my throat to sort through my overpowering emotions. “I came to this group searching for help, support, something to get me through this thing we call life. I found that, but most importantly, I found a family.”

Hazel is by my side dabbing her eyes, a rare side to her since she always seems in control of her emotions. Yet standing beside me, I sense her pride.

“I never thought I was worthy of anything, let alone anyone, but every person in this room has welcomed me into their life despite my flaws and mistakes. It has helped me make the right decisions, and for that, I’ll be forever grateful.”

Penny raises her can of soda before clutching it to her chest with pride much like Hazel.

“If I can say a few words.” She clears her throat, taking center stage. “Julian, you’re an unbelievably gorgeous man, and I mean spanking-take-you-to-bed-in-a-heartbeat gorgeous!”

We all laugh. Thankfully, Andy has already walked away.

“That’s on the outside. On the inside, you have a heart of gold. The first man not to be ashamed of who I am despite my inappropriate advances. You saw me for who I am… Peter… a lonely boy who wants to be loved, who wants to be just like everyone else and not hide the real me. You welcomed me into your life, and I’m going to miss your companionship. Who’s gonna take me to bingo night?”

“Bingo? Oh, I love it,” Eric squeals. “It’s so Golden Girls… I’m so in!”

I shake my head, grinning as Eric basks in his newfound hobby—replacing me at bingo night.

Fred and Jerry say a few words, followed by Hazel. It’s without fail, Hazel’s kind words give me the confidence I need to leave this place, but only temporarily.

“This place here, Julian, is always your home,” she adds, with a smile. “It’s a home for all of you. Welcoming you at your time of need, your time of peace, and holds no judgment because you are all worthy of being here.”

Penny lets out a loud wail, forcing us to all turn her way. Fred, being a father himself, places his hand on Penny’s shoulder and hands her his handkerchief. Taking it, Penny blows her nose loudly, then hands it back, much to Fred’s discomfort.

Adriana clears her throat, wanting to speak. “I need to get Andy home. It’s past his bedtime.”

Slightly offended, I offer to round up Ash and help take him to her car, ignoring this unwarranted hurt festering inside of me. This isn’t a moment to allow my selfish need to justify my actions. Adriana needs space, time, and despite my yearning to build something between us greater than a friendship, our paths are not in sync.

She buckles Andy in who is exhausted from all the running around. Shutting the door behind her, she turns to face me. “Thank you for being a friend,” she whispers, unable to look me in the eye.