Okay. Fuck. It’s cold.
She stands above me, giving me the perfect angle to admire her beautifully manicured pussy with a landing strip smack bam in the middle.
“Do you want to fuck me, Noah?”
“When your pussy is staring at me like a wild beast, how could I not want to fuck you?”
“Then, I ask one thing of you.” Her tone, sharp and fierce, is unlike the giggly Kate, who was floating around the water only moments ago.
“What’s that?”
Her chest is heaving, wild eyes staring at me, ready to pounce. “I’m going to fuck you. Do you understand? And I don’t fuck quietly.”
Is this happening?
Without drawing any attention, the corners of my eyes scan the area around us, sure I’m being pranked on some reality television show. When I can see we’re alone—aside from two people in the far distance—I nod my head, excited by the thought.
But as much as the thought turns me on, Big Dick refuses to follow. Oh, for the love of God! The more I think about it, the more it makes me paranoid, and he refuses to come to the party. Fuck! Surely, she can sense how limp it is lying beneath her. Maybe if I fondle her tits, I can make it happen. My hands move to her tits, groping them hard as she moans oddly. Perhaps this is her sex face. It’s odd as she looks pale white then appears to cringe in pain. Good Lord, this isn’t the face of a woman I want to fuck right now. She immediately jumps off me and stares down at me.
“Oh my God!” she yells at the top of her lungs.
Holy shit! Is it crab season, I think. Fuck I don’t know. There’s a crab on my dick, I just know it. Sealife, it’s everywhere. I begin to panic, wincing as I wait for the crab to bite my dick off.
I’m going to have no dick.
I’m going to be dickless!
“Get it off me,” I shout back at her.
“With what?” she answers in a surprisingly calm tone.
“I don’t know!” I argue. “Your shoe or purse?”
“My purse cost a thousand dollars. You want me to wipe it off with Michael Kors?”
“Michael who?” I panic, not comprehending her ridiculous dilemma. “Just get it off me!”
“It’s just blood,” she says calmly, watching me with judging eyes.
“I’m bleeding? The crab bit me?” My eyes dart down in a state of panic. “Is my dick still there?”
Kate’s shoulders begin to move up and down, her laughter echoing against the sound of the waves crashing. Her continuous laugh begins to anger me. What kind of a sick joke is this?
“I got my period,” she stumbles out in between her laughter. “The blood is from my vagina, not a crab. Your dick’s fine.”
It takes a moment for it to click. Her period? Oh my God. This is embarrassing.
“Holy shit.” I fall back onto the sand, covering my face with my hands until I burst out laughing along with her. She drops beside me, both of us naked in a fit of hysterics, unable to catch a breath of air.
“I thought it was a crab.” I laugh through my words.
“I thought I was pregnant,” she admits, chuckling as if it’s a joke.
I stop laughing, catching my breath as her words sink in. “You thought you were pregnant? Baby, I’m good, but not that good.”
She punches my arm softly and picks up the empty bottle of tequila, throwing it behind us, only to remove another bottle of something from her bag.
“If you thought you were pregnant, why did you drink tequila?” I question her more seriously. I’m not one to judge, but alcohol and pregnancy don’t exactly mix.