I climb out of the bath in a huff, annoyed at myself for overthinking this. Grabbing my silk pajamas, I place them on and plop myself on the sofa with my laptop open.
The familiar ping is continuous, email after email, all needing my attention. Work has always been my solace, and this time will be no different. Time begins to pass, my head starts to clear, and when I begin to feel somewhat better with my thoughts, I switch on the television and start binge-watching Ghost Hunters—the perfect distraction on this lazy Saturday night.
Somewhere during an episode of a haunted place in Scotland, my phone begins to ring, causing me to jump with fear. Taking a deep breath, my heart rate runs a million miles as I lift the phone to see Dominic flashing on the screen.
“Hello,” I answer relatively short. “Bored in Paris already?”
“Can we talk now?”
Squeezing my eyes shut momentarily, I release them with a sigh. “If we must.”
“It’s not working out.”
“I know, I heard you.”
“Well, you must have thoughts?”
“Of course, I have thoughts. But it doesn’t matter what I think,” I tell him, my voice slightly raised. “This is your marriage. Make your decision based on what you want.”
Silence falls between us, forcing me to check my phone to see if the call is still connected.
“I want what we have,” he murmurs. “I don’t want that to change.”
“Things will have to change one day whether you like it or not, Dominic,” I remind him, frustrated.
“Why… why would they have to change?”
“Well, for starters, affairs like ours never work long term. Sooner or later, Allegra will catch on.” The truth is finally out, and perhaps this may be the straw to finally break the camel’s back. “And, what if I meet someone and want a relationship? It wouldn’t be fair for us to continue with another man involved.”
“Is there another man involved?” he questions rudely, raising his tone.
“There isn’t. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“It is my business,” he grates.
“Um… how so?” I sit up, straightening my posture while crossing my arms in frustration. “We agreed to keep our lives separate. We agreed to have sex when you visited Paris. That’s all. Don’t expect anything more than what we agreed to.”
“This isn’t a business deal, Kate.”
Anger ripples through me as I bite my lip, trying to restrain my thoughts. The sheer nerve of him to throw careless words around and cloud our agreement.
“We had an agreement,” I repeat, more so for me than him. “This is what we both wanted.”
“Kate…” He gasps, his tone is raspy and barely in control. “I think about us, just so you know.”
My breathing stills, while I stare directly at the wall in a catatonic state. His words can be interpreted in so many ways, and being a woman, I know we have the habit of spinning things bigger in our head than what we really think it is. I didn’t know how to answer him, not wanting to get my heart involved since I purposely left it out of this equation.
But why now, I want to ask.
Why, after four years, has he finally posed the question I so desperately wanted back then?
“I think about you visiting Paris, too,” is all I can say in return, praying he means the same.
“No, Kate,” he whispers down the line. “I think about us. You and me… together. A life together, just us.”
It was the admission I never expected to come from Dominic Kennedy. I’m left confused and angry, wondering why I’m forced to have to endure this again. Dominic has no understanding of what it’s like to be in a committed relationship. He takes from people what he needs. He’s made himself into a successful entrepreneur by promoting the exact opposite of commitment. I’m not stupid, knowing all along that this will have to end one day. I just didn’t expect it to end like this.
And I refuse to let him change the rules of our game.