Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

“How do I look, darl?” She flattens her skirt waiting for my opinion.

“Like you’re twenty-one, Mary Jean.”

With a wide smile, she squeezes my arm and tails Mr. Lugo. God help me.

“Thank God, your mom is awesome. I really got lucky in the mother-in-law department.” Charlie is standing on my right, carrying baby Ava who has vomited all over Charlie’s chest.

I scrunch up my nose as the smell lingers my way. “Gross, cleavage puke?”

“Yep, the worse kind,” Charlie complains.

“Oh, well, that’s what you get for having knockout tatas,” I point out.

She holds Ava out to Lex, then discretely tries to shove tissues down her blouse in an attempt to clean herself up. Lex, who’s sulking as Amelia ran off, beams as Ava is resting in his arms. He rocks her gently as she stirs, and I smile watching my brother so at ease with his baby girl. Sometimes, I can’t believe how much life has changed for him, for them.

This day is just as important to my brother. You see, Lex is such an important part of Andy’s life. Aside from my dad, he is the only male figure in my son’s life, and I know, at times, it confuses Andy. From an early age, I’d talk about Elijah and show pictures to Andy. It’s important he knows who his father was, even if he never got the chance to know him.

Andy has several of Elijah’s features, and many comment on how much he reminds them of him. It’s the dirty-blond hair, the bright blue eyes, and the way his dimples set when he smiles. To add to that, Andy is smart. The daycare workers have mentioned to me his IQ surpasses the other children of the same age. They suggest some external programs to help further his knowledge and build on his strengths. It’s a lot for me to take in considering he is just shy of three, and my understanding of being three is hanging out in the sandbox and stomping in mud puddles when it rains.

I want Andy to have a normal life as much as possible, not missing out on the important things just because Elijah isn’t here. Quite often, he’ll proudly tell everyone Daddy is working in heaven, though the reality of his words is too enormous for him to understand.

Today, he senses it’s different. The toys and noise don’t entice him. His lips tremble as the chaos overwhelms him, just about on the verge of tears. I’m trying to be strong, but that strength is turning into anger. I want to yell at the management for creating such a stupid event. I want to gouge the eyes out of everyone looking at Andy and me like we’re circus freaks, and most of all, I want to scream at Elijah for leaving us in this mess.

Yet, I stand perfectly still, a fake smile plastered on my face.

“You okay?” Lex is annoying me again with his overbearing worry.

I nod, then smile. He doesn’t buy it. After all, he’s known me my entire life.

Lex leans down to talk to Andy, raising his voice above all the noise. “Switch. You take Ava, and I’ll take Andy,” he offers.

He hands me Ava, who has fallen asleep again. I lean down to smell her face. It smells like baby. I don’t remember Andy smelling the same, but then again, I was suffering post-partum depression. I couldn’t even get out of bed, let alone take care of my son.

Andy senses movement on my behalf and clings on tighter. Lex kneels to his level. I don’t hear the words he is saying, I only see Andy wrap his little hands around Lex, burying his head into his neck to hide his face again. They walk outside to the sandbox to be with Amelia. I watch as Amelia tries to steal a shovel from a little boy, pulling it directly from his hands and causing the little boy to break out in tears.

“I swear that little shit is doing my head in,” Charlie says, frustrated.

Lex leans down to Amelia’s level, and from what we can see, he’s trying to discipline her. It’s laughable. Lex is the biggest softy, and Amelia has him wrapped around her little finger.

“Charlie! Don’t call your angel a little shit.” I laugh softly.

“Do you know what she did this morning? She took all of Lex’s hair gel and smothered it on Ava’s head. When I found her, I asked her why she did that. Do you know what she said? ‘Eric says that you can never be too young to have fabulous hair, so work it, baby.’”

I place my arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. Struggling to hold in the laughter, I let out an involuntary snort. Charlie shakes her head in amusement. Amelia is like a sponge around Eri

c, and anyone who has met Eric knows he has no filter.

Apparently, we have that in common.

The head teacher announces it’s time for the special presentation. The children assemble at the front, Amelia positioning herself right in the center, placing her hands on her hips as she waits impatiently for everyone to get their shit together. Andy reluctantly stands by the side. It’s very out of character for him to be so withdrawn, and even though he’s young, he knows well enough what everyone has in this room that he doesn’t.

It doesn’t last long, though. Amelia shoves other kids out of the way to pull Andy to the front with her.

One by one, the teacher calls the children to the front to present their dad with a handmade macaroni picture covered in paint and to say a few words. Amelia is called and no surprises, the mini diva walks to the front as Lex makes his way through the crowd and finally accepts his gift.

“This is my daddy. He is pretty and works in a big building with lots of people. When I grow up, I want to yell at people on the phone and be just like him.” Her face smiles proudly at everyone in the crowd.

I let out a loose laugh. The hilarity is too much. Amelia is very in-your-face.