Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

“I love you, honey, no matter what you choose in life.”

“I know, Mom, and I love you, too.”

I find Andy fast asleep on my parents’ bed. He is curled up into a ball hugging his koala bear I got him from Australia. I watch him for a few moments, his eyes fluttering every so often, his tiny breaths making small sounds. He is muttering something very softly about white feathers and angels. OMG, is this a sign? I lean forward to carry him into my arms, and the moment I have my grip on him, he silences. I move my face toward his and inhale his scent—my baby.

I never would’ve dreamed or even asked for this life, but Andy makes every second worth living. I can’t imagine my life without him, he is truly a blessing from above, and I have no regrets of persuading Elijah to do IVF when he tried to convince me it wasn’t the right time.

I say goodbye to my mom and head home with a sleepy Andy talking to himself in the back seat.

***

It’s very late, and I can’t fall asleep. Tonight was overwhelming, and as much as I said I don’t believe all that fortune-telling shit, it got to me more than I thought it would. I grab my cell and decide to text Julian. I’m not sure if I’ll get a response, but I do ten minutes later.

Julian: Why are you awake? I was just about to hop into the shower.

Curiosity gets the better of me. It’s late, has he been out? He didn’t say anything to me when we spoke earlier. It occurs to me that he rarely tells me what he’s doing unless, of course, I ask. We live separate lives, and the only thing we do together is have sex. Perhaps that’s my fault, the desire possessing me in a way that is new territory for me. He’s equally as demanding, unable to resist touching me whenever we’re within arms’ reach of each other.

Can it be that it’s just sex for him?

I’m a plaything to occupy his time while he recovers?

I send him a quick text.

Me: Why are you about to hop into the shower? It’s 3am.

There’s no bubble, and I wait impatiently. If possible, I’m even more alert than before. My mind is conjuring up all these possibilities including the fact that maybe Julian isn’t alone.

Julian: I just came back from a friend’s book launch in Malibu. Great party.

The animosity starts to build, my words blurting out onto the screen before I even re-read them.

Me: Party? As in girls?

I throw my cell to the side momentarily to calm myself down. Crossing my arms, I stare at the wall like it’s my enemy. The curiosity of his response gets the better of me.

Julian: Yes there were girls there. There are girls everywhere, Adriana.

I don’t respond, and I’m pissed he went to a party where, no doubt, girls will have thrown themselves at him. The vibration of my cell startles me, and I see his name along with the words FaceTime appearing on my screen. Great, I have to actually see him meaning I can’t show how annoyed I am.

“Hi.” I plaster a fake smile on my face.

“So, walk me through this, Adriana, because I do not understand what I’ve done wrong…”

I sigh. Do I tell him the truth? “I don’t like it when you’re with other girls.”

He screws up his mouth and runs his hands through his hair. “There’s always going to be other women around, just like there is always going to be other men around you.”

“Yes, but I’m not super-hot like you.”

“You don’t think so?” He laughs. “Do you remember at my book launch when I came over, and you were chatting with Barry?”

“Yes…”

“The three male bartenders were gawking at you. I actually had a word with them.”

“What? Wait… you did that?”

“Yes.”