Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

“Yes, we were,” she says with a slight croak, fiddling with the band sitting on her wedding finger.

“Wait! Are you still in love with him?” I feel the bile rising in my throat. Fuck, where the hell did that come from? What an idiotic thing for you to ask. This is Charlie—she is married to your lunatic brother.

My mind is a complete and utter mess, and more than anything, I wish Julian were here to ease my rampant thoughts with his presence.

“Adriana, what’s wrong with you? Honestly, you should not be allowed to drink.” She shakes her head disapprovingly. “I love your dumbass big brother. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change that. As for Julian, I love him as a person. I can’t erase the past, plus he saved… I can’t even begin to think…” Her eyes glaze over, and I quickly rub her knee to calm her down.

“Don’t think about that, Charlie. He did save you. Julian is…” I can’t complete my sentence, consumed by a warm feeling spreading all over my body, creeping up until it’s spread across my face morphing into a wide cheesy grin.

Charlie is quick to notice. “How? When? Start from the beginning.”

She props herself up, and I begin to tell her about the first time I attended the support meeting. I contemplate leaving out the part about harming myself, but if Charlie is to truly understand how Julian and I became close, she needs to know the entire story.

“Adriana,” she chokes, her tone rattled by my admission. “Why didn’t you come to us?”

“I was ashamed.” I bow my head in disgust, reminiscing about the time I had hit my lowest point. To think of the damage it would’ve caused Andy is heartbreaking. “Julian was there, he saw how much of a dark hole I was in. He was equally in that hole with me, and he just got me, you know?”

“I understand. Julian has always been caring and has this nurturing side to him.”

I nod. “We were friends foremost, and he encouraged me to face my fears. God knows I had plenty of them.”

“Will you tell me about them?”

I take a drawn-out sip of my coffee, allowing the liquid to swim down my throat until it settles in the pit of my stomach.

“I missed Elijah so much, yet I was so angry at him for leaving us.” Venting my frustration and anger, I struggle to continue as Charlie waits patiently. I barely find the courage but know it’s time I finally let go of my demons. “Joining that support group allowed me to vent without any conviction or someone trying to fix it. Julian saw it all, but most importantly, he encouraged me to talk about Elijah in a positive way. The more I did that, the more it allowed me to move on.”

“It makes sense. I feel like terrible for not helping you more,” she admits.

“You couldn’t have helped me if you tried.” I place my palm over her hand. “Julian knew my pain, he was living it himself.”

The cell starts to dance across the table once again. Charlie’s quick to ignore it and carry on with our conversation. “Adriana, is that why you went to Sydney?”

“Yes,” I confess.

“Okay, um… how serious is it?”

“I… uh…” I quietly fidget with the rim of the mug, running circles with my index finger. “Seriously, Charlie… I think I… never mind.”

“You love him?” She is stunned, waiting on edge for confirmation.

“I don’t know. He makes me feel so alive it scares me. I’m not used to it. Elijah was different. Sometimes, I feel so guilty for moving on, but if I think about leaving Julian, I just can’t.”

“Adriana, you were with Elijah since you were seventeen. Whether it’s Julian or someone else, you would’ve felt guilty regardless. To me, these last few weeks have been a joy to see you this happy. I take my hat off to anyone who can put a smile back on your beautiful face and the light back in your eyes. I knew it was a guy, just never in a million years thought it would’ve been Julian. Excuse my language, but motherfucking shit, this is unbelievable!”

I laugh softly, looking for some comic relief. “God, this is so Days of our Lives, isn’t it?”

“No.” She smirks, almost spitting out her coffee. “More like The Bold and the Beautiful.”

We both chuckle reminiscing about Ridge and Brooke on The Bold and the Beautiful, counting the number of husbands Brooke had and how many times she married Ridge. Jesus Christ, now tha

t was a soap opera.

“We talked about you and Lex, how we were going to come out. There never was a right time or place. God, Lex is going to be a nightmare, isn’t he?”

Her cell vibrates as if on cue.

This time, Charlie grabs it in frustration. “Calling like a deranged lunatic does not fly with me.”