Four Letter Word (Dirty Deeds 1)

“That was a really bad day, Mom,” Oliver argued. “So is this. I wanted to hang out.”

“We’re not staying?” Olivia asked, blinking up at me but staying crouched down. “But Syd promised she’d braid my hair all twisty again.”

“Syd’s not here,” I told her.

My chest grew tight.

“She’s not?” Jenna asked. “Where is she? Did she get called into work?”

I breathed deep.

What the fuck was I supposed to say?

“She’s …” My voice trailed off when Jamie’s car pulled into the driveway and parked behind Jenna’s.

“Uncle Jamie!” Oliver spun around, leaned around his mother, and waved, holding up his DS with his other hand. “Brought my DS!”

“Cool!” Jamie shouted, then shut his car door and jogged to the porch. He tipped his chin at Jenna. “Hey, Jenna.”

“Hey,” she returned pleasantly.

“What are you doing here?” I asked when he climbed the porch.

He gave me a peculiar look.

“Dinner,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Are you shittin’ me?” I grated.

“Brian!” Jenna warned.

Oliver and Olivia both started giggling.

“Sorry,” I told her, then looked at Jamie again. “What makes you think we’re still having dinner after the shi …stuff that went down today?”

“That’s another reason why I’m here,” he replied. “We gotta figure this out. There’s gotta be somethin’ else you can do.”

I stared at Jamie. Something tightened in my chest.

He wanted to help. He was always wanting to help and I never took it. I never took it from anyone.

And look where that fucking got me.

The only person I ever let in was Syd. She was it. I didn’t fight her when she wanted to heal me. I didn’t tell her I had to do it myself.

I let her in. And it felt fucking good.

It was time I let the rest of them in. I had to. I couldn’t do this alone. I never could.

I needed help.

“Wait, what went down?” Jenna asked, looking between myself and Jamie, who was standing behind her.

“Dash screwed up. Syd’s gone,” he informed her, knowing the details because I gave them to him before we both hauled ass away from the warehouse and went our separate ways.

“Thanks, man. Appreciate it,” I said sarcastically, getting a shrug in return.

“What? Syd’s gone?” Jenna whipped her head around and glared at me. “What did you do?”

I stepped back and held the door open.

“Come inside. I’ll explain everything,” I told Jenna.

The kids barreled in first and went straight for the couch with Sir on their tails. Jenna stepped in next, keeping the glare and giving it to me before she carried her dish to the kitchen.

I reached out and stopped Jamie from following behind with a hand to his chest.

He turned his head and looked at me.

“What’s up?”

“Need your help with this,” I confessed, letting my hand drop since he wasn’t resisting.

His eyes flickered wider.

He wasn’t expecting to hear this from me.

Jamie came here offering help knowing I’d resist, and still, he was here, offering it.

Jamie McCade was one of the best fucking men I’d ever met.

“I can’t do this alone,” I continued. “I’ve got nothing. I’m out of ways to make this shit right.”

He grinned slowly, no doubt savoring this moment, and I let him ’cause I was done fighting this, then he slapped my shoulder, declaring, “That’s why I’m here, man. I got your back. We’ll figure something out.” He urged me to walk toward the kitchen. “Come on. I’m starving. I need to eat before we hash out a plan.”

I still had skepticism about hashing out anything, but I kept that to myself and moved to the kitchen.

Jenna was standing at the island with her arms crossed under her chest. Her dish was on the counter in front of her.

“What happened?” she started the second I entered the room. “I told you not to screw it up with her, Brian. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“Jen,” I began, tipping my head at the table. “You’re gonna want to sit down.”

She stuck out her chest.

“I’m fine where I am.”

“Go sit, Jenna,” Jamie encouraged, giving her shoulder a squeeze when he moved behind her to get to the fridge. “Brian has a lot to say and you’re gonna want to be sittin’. Trust me.”

She gave me a worried look, then dropped her arms, rounded the island, and put herself in a chair.

I joined her, taking the seat beside her at the head of the table, propped my elbows up, and careful of my hand, linked my fingers.

Then I proceeded to tell her everything.

Jenna sat silent, no doubt stunned by what she was hearing.

I wouldn’t look at her. I kept my eyes on the table as I spoke, not even looking up at Jamie when he joined us and started eating.

It made me sick talking about it. It made me sicker when I got to the parts that involved Syd, her reaction, and the reason she wasn’t here anymore.

I saw her face covered in tears. I thought about what she was doing now, if she was still crying and if she needed me.

If she knew I’d be there if I could.

When I was done confessing everything, I slouched back in my chair, kicked my legs out, and rubbed my good hand over my face.