His footsteps fade away, relief washing over me. I turn on the shower, the tap set to cold, and stand beneath the cascade of water trying to wash away tonight’s events. Perhaps I shouldn’t panic. Tests can be wrong. I’m sure I heard a friend of a friend who had positive pregnancy tests only to find out her HCG levels were high because she had a tumor.
Cancer, I haven’t even thought of that.
I shake my head, the whirlwind of thoughts causing my body to almost collapse in the shower. With trembling hands, I turn the water off and step out, drying myself off. Brushing my teeth quickly, I change into one of Haden’s boxers and old tee, then climb into bed.
The panic feels all too familiar, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach except last time, I was pregnant to a man I loathed. Despite that, I was willing to raise my son alone.
I was naïve to think I could do it on my own. Haden proves to be more than I could have ever imagined. He enriches Masen’s life and gives him the love he deserves. I have no doubt he will do the same for another baby. I just wish for once, it would be all about me.
And I hate myself for even being jealous.
This baby has no clue how much it will change our lives.
It will be only a matter of time.
For the first night, in a long time, Haden doesn’t touch me. It’s almost as if he can sense the change in my body. He simply kisses me good night then rolls over.
I wait for Masen to come in, desperate for a distraction, but he never does. Instead, I lay wide awake staring at the ceiling until my lids feel heavy, and sleep becomes imminent.
I am sitting in Dr. Somersby’s waiting room, tapping my feet impatiently. The click of my patent Louboutins is a welcoming distraction from what started off as a terrible day.
Everything that can go wrong does go wrong.
A print publication had an error on the cover, sending Haden into the biggest fit over costs to reproduce. Georgia, one of my best editors, handed in her resignation because her boyfriend proposed last night and wants her to move to France where he is originally from. I don't exactly blame her, the thought alone is romantic. Yet, losing a good employee is disheartening. Not only will she be difficult to replace, our team dynamic will change.
Our server went down at midday, stopping all productivity. In the kitchen, someone yelled ‘mouse’ before screaming the place down. I later learned that someone was Clint, but only because I managed to peel myself away from the boardroom where I hid in an effort not to e
ncounter the dirty rodent.
When three o’clock rolled around, I told Haden I needed to run some errands before ducking home to pick up Masen, then head over to Lex and Charlie’s house for dinner. I’m certain he doesn’t hear me, too busy yelling over the phone at our IT Department over the server issues.
“Mrs. Cooper.”
Dr. Somersby welcomes me with a smile, ushering me into her office. I take a seat, nervously breathing out as she asks how she can help me today.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
“You think you’re pregnant?”
“Or maybe I have a tumor… I don’t know,” I ramble, terrified.
“Okay, first things first. Have you taken a home pregnancy test?”
I nod, scratching my nails along my thighs to stabilize my nerves.
“And I’m assuming it came back positive?”
I nod again. Dr. Somersby opens her drawer, removing a specimen cup and placing it directly in front of me.
“Take this into the bathroom, and we can confirm right now.”
My hands are shaking while I grab the cup. I head toward the bathroom, closing the door behind me to return moments later.
Placing on some latex gloves, she pulls a strip out of a packet, dipping it into the urine, then removes it quickly.
“You’re pregnant all right.” Ripping off her glove, she turns back to face me with a smile. “Okay, you’ll need to do a blood test to determine your due date. Do you remember the first day of your last period?”
The overwhelming emotions stunt my ability to speak. A force, so great, that I’m unable to control its fierce wave which brutally crashes into me every time I think about having this baby. I’m knocked out cold, senseless, trying to tell myself I just need to get up. Get out of this mess.