“Good night,” she says, casually.
“Good night.”
I make my way to our bed and climb in, only to stare up at the ceiling. In a moment of loss, my world feels like it has collapsed. I only had a glimpse into what would be our future with another child. The pain, where the light becomes shadows and the darkness surrounds me, brings back the memories of losing Dad. The nightmare begins to replay—the cops at the door, the shrilling scream my mother let out as she collapsed onto the floor, and the unbeknown anger which follows every day as to why he was taken away from us.
A drunk driver. An idiot who thought he had his fucking driving under control.
The emotions are wreaking havoc, and the only thing, person, who can comfort me at this moment is the same person pushing me away.
I need her, but she never comes.
Ten
Presley
“Presley, I need you to sign here.”
My eyes stare blankly at the paper Clint places on my office desk. “What am I signing?”
“It’s the contract for Jennifer Ryan’s five-book deal. I just explained it to you.” Clint pauses, scanning my face. “Is everything okay?”
Blinking, I try to refocus. “Sorry, yes, everything is fine. Can you leave this with me?”
Clint folds his arms as he continues to stand inside my office, tilting his head with a raised brow. “Pres, you’ve been away with the fairies lately. Is it Haden? He’s been all moody, too. Honestly, between the two of you, it’s been like walking on eggshells.”
I shake my head, forcing a smile. “It’s nothing, I promise. Now, please go. I’ve got an important call to make.”
Clint reluctantly leaves my office. I hate lying to him and everyone, but it is for the best. There is no need to announce the news of the miscarriage. I don’t need anyone’s sympathy.
I stare at the paper again attempting to read it, but I can’t concentrate. The last few days are a haze of emotions.
Everything at home has changed. Masen wanted to sleep in his own bed. It should be a welcoming change, but it means Haden and I are alone. He knows better than to push for intimacy, and he hasn’t laid a single finger on me nor has he tried. A part of me wishes Haden will be his normal jerk-like self rather than an over-protective husband treating me like a fragile vase.
Then parts of me feel like he blames me.
Like this was my fault.
Why else won’t he touch me?
As Dr. Sommersby confirmed would happen, I bled slightly, expelling the pregnancy. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but for the most part, it was painless and only slightly uncomfortable.
I chose not to research anything to do with miscarriages, accepting my fate and the failures of my body. There is no point dwelling on it, and the freedom of my body adjusting back to normal is a welcoming change. I don’t quite understand why everyone makes such a big deal out of it. Life happens.
Yet there are moments, they creep up on me unexpectedly triggered by something, or sometimes, nothing at all. Moments of self-blame, moments of guilt for wanting a way out of this pregnancy, but I have learned to push those feelings aside rather than waste time trying to work through the emotions.
I can’t change the outcome.
My body failed, and that’s that.
Haden walks into my office, closing the door behind him. He hasn’t gotten much sleep of late, tossing and turning each night, waking up early to go for a run. For a man who likes to push my buttons, he rarely engages in conversation unless it is about me. The fretful concern has become a broken record.
“Are you okay?” He leans against the wall, removing his glasses as he cleans them against his shirt. “I know it’s been a week, but I really think you should take time off.”
Time off to sit at home and do what? The man is impossible. This over-protective manner is wearing really thin. I am not a fucking fragile bird, and he needs to get that through his stubborn head.
“I’m fine. I just need to read through this. So, if you don’t mind, a little bit of solitude.”
As he leans in to place his hand on mine, I retract, reminding him of the rules. From the moment we began our relationship, we both agreed to remain professional in the workplace. Our decisions should not be influenced by outside matters, nor should we make anyone uncomfortable because we are married. It’s one of the only things we agree on.