“I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Why are we even arguing about this? Let’s deal with it when the time comes.”
“I want to deal with it now. I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want anyone touching you, but life is unfair,” I shoot back.
/>
“Then no one will,” he states confidently.
“Empty promises, Haden. You’re a guy, and I respect that your cock needs to get laid.”
“By you,” he confirms.
Whoa. This conversation is taking a turn, a major turn, to God knows where. The whole dynamic of our conversation has changed, and I’m rendered speechless. He has no idea the enormity of his words, and being the rational one, I feel I have no choice but to bring him back down to reality.
“Haden,” I whisper. “We need to talk about this when you’re back. Right now, I’m tired, and I have to get up for work in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be back on Sunday. I want to see you then.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone, bewildered. Not even a minute later, I receive a text.
Haden: I meant what I said.
I know he means it. I’m just not ready to deal with it.
Vicky and Kate come home not even ten minutes later. Vicky has decided to sleep over, and the second I see her walk through the door, I run to her with a razor in my hands.
She yawns. “Pres, it’s three in the morning, and you want me to shave your kitty?”
“This is an emergency situation! You don’t understand.”
“I understand that it’s three in the morning, and there’s a possibility I may give you a mullet.”
I drag her to the bathroom and close the door behind us. Kate is already in her room, drunk on her bed.
“This really can’t wait till tomorrow?”
“No, I can’t sleep knowing I’ve let it turn into the Amazon Rainforest.”
“I must really love you to do this…” she mumbles to herself, armed with a razor, soap, and water.
Ten minutes later, she’s done.
“You wanna see? Geez, I think the razor went dull.”
I laugh. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Honestly, the things I do for you.”
I wake up the next day, incredibly happy despite the lack of sleep. With a shaved kitty and a refreshing cup of tea, life has become a bed of sweet roses. Not to mention, I get another text from Haden which makes me smile.
Haden: I still mean what I said.
I don’t respond just yet, and when I receive a bouquet of flowers ten minutes later, my day gets even better. It’s a bunch of rainbow-colored roses with a card attached that says, “From your Jerk.”