A man I should not be having these wicked thoughts about.
And I especially need to stop thinking of his cock. It’s just so hard.
As we sit here, out of breath, an awkward silence falls between us. I adjust my dress, pulling my straps up as my bra lies on the floor near the coffee table. When Austin slides his pants back on, I gaze in the opposite direction.
“I should probably go,” he mumbles, unable to look me in the eye. “I have an early start tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah, sure.”
He runs his hands through his hair, making him look even more delicious. Geez, he makes you come twice, and now you want more? I cross my arms beneath my chest, aware I have no bra on, and my nipples are hard again. This is ridiculous, and I’m sure some sexual demon has possessed my body. Usually, after one fuck with a guy, I’m fine for him to leave so I can carry on with my day. Olivier had been the only exception, though sex with him was nothing compared to Austin. Then, I remember Austin was previously intimate with my sister.
Like a splash of cold water, my thoughts dissipate, and I’m brought back to reality.
“So,” he drags, scratching his chin. “I’ll call you soon.”
I nod, averting my gaze to the wall.
The moment the door closes, I fall back onto the sofa and let out a huge breath. What the hell did I just do? I grab my phone to dial Millie’s number only to remember she’s not talking to me.
Throwing my phone on the opposite end of the sofa, I realize my past habit of always running to Millie when I need advice or clarity on a situation involving a guy. Unfortunately, when it comes to men, I second-guess myself, which is why I rely on her to either talk me off the ledge or make me jump ship because red flags are waving in the distance.
For all of my life, she’s been my security blanket. Always by my side, and even though she dared me to do dangerous things when we were kids, sh
e was always there to catch me when I fell.
She is part of who I am, and without her, there’s a void I can’t shake.
Needing her more than ever, I know this ache inside with her gone will never subside. But this isn’t one of those times to run to her, even if I could.
I just screwed her ex-fiancé twice.
It’s just me and my thoughts, all of which are confused by what just happened. In the throes of passion, who the hell was I? Demanding he take me this way, that no one else can touch him. Everything slipped out, and in the heat of the moment, I had no concern for the consequences of my actions.
Then, he echoed my sentiment. No man is to touch me. The fire in his eyes only cemented his demands, but at the time, it turned me on more than anything.
But now the moment is over.
I drag my tired self to my room to shower and change for bed. But, when I eventually climb in, my body isn’t in sync with my mind. I can barely move a limb, but my mind refuses to shut down.
Tonight was a big deal, and I can’t get out of my head how it ended. Austin isn’t a man I can ghost, even though I’m notorious for doing this when something doesn’t go my way. He’s is the father of my baby. No matter what, I’ll have to face him at some point.
I yank my phone off the bedside table, only to put it back moments later. My hands move toward the lampshade, switching it off with the hope that the darkness will put me to sleep.
My eyes are open wide, staring at the pitch-black ceiling with no chance at all of falling asleep.
A long-winded sigh escapes me as I lean over, turn the lamp back on, and grab my phone once again. Just do it, just text him. I must find a way to move on from tonight.
Me: Sorry if that made it weird between us. I shouldn’t have brought up my predicament.
I don’t expect him to respond straight away, but the bubble on the screen taunts me until his text appears.
Austin: Is that what you think happened?
Me: There was a lot of silence afterward.
My phone begins to ring with Austin’s number calling through. Shit, I can’t ignore it, given I had just texted him. I suck in my stomach, inhaling a deep breath, then quickly press accept.
“Hey,” is all I say.