In Harmony

My gaze moved up from my name to Isaac’s across from Hamlet. Of course, he was playing Hamlet.

And I was playing Ophelia.

Fuck. What the hell were you thinking?

This was too much. Isaac was a genius who deserved to act alongside actual talent. And Martin Ford was a good man just trying to put on a good show. I was a hopeless amateur who’d only auditioned to try to find some relief from my own fucked up situation.

The stupidity of it bowled me over. Then my eyes landed on the bundle of blankets on the floor beside my untouched bed. I’d spent another mostly-sleepless night, breaking in and out of dreams of shadowy weight pressing down on me, crushing the air from my body. My arm was still blackened with X’s from my Sharpie.

Doing nothing didn’t work. I have to try something else.

“I got the role, didn’t I?” I said to the bedcovers. “I can do this.”

I just have to tell the story.

I stuffed my phone into my bag and went out.

I took over Isaac’s old desk in Mr. Paulson’s English class. I told myself it was to be across from Angie. Really, I hated seeing it empty. Hated the daily reminder of how the system had failed Isaac. Literally kicked him out.

“I got the part,” I said, sliding into my seat.

Angie’s head shot up and she brushed a mess of black curls out of her eyes. Today’s sweatshirt read, I do marathons…on Netflix.

“Are you serious?” she said. “Ophelia? And you’re just now telling me this?”

“Not so loud,” I hissed, glancing around at the classroom. Students either had their heads together talking, or their heads on their desks. Mr. Paulson was busy organizing himself. Nobody looked at us.

“When did they tell you?”

“Saturday.” I pulled out my phone and called up the email.

“Saturday?” She was practically shrieking. “Two days is like two months by Angie Standard Time. That thing you’re holding? It has this cool text function you should try.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to go through with it,” I said, and handed Angie my phone. “It’s crazy, right? I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Angie used her finger to scroll down the list, a slow grin spreading over her lips.

“Look at you, Miss Thang, acting alongside the great Isaac Pearce.”

“Shh, don’t say anything. Not around here. The last thing I need is everyone thinking I’m following him around like an idiot.”

“Why would they think that?”

“You thought that.”

“Guilty as charged.” She tapped her finger on her teeth. “So why are you doing it? I’m not trying to give you a hard time, I honestly want to know.”

I started to blow off her question with a bullshit reason. Instead I shrugged, dropped my gaze. “I had…a rough time last summer and I need a change.”

Angie’s round, open face was soft with concern. “A change from what?”

From what I’ve become.

“Nothing, just a change. A fresh start. Since we moved, I figure it’s a good time to try something new.”

Angie nodded slowly, her dark eyes warm. Then she smiled brightly and went back to the cast list. “I’m proud of you. And I promise to keep it amongst The Greatest, but looky here.” She held the phone to face me and pointed to Justin Baker’s name. “Your big brother, Laertes, is sitting right over there.”

She inclined her head to a blond guy sitting in the front row. His face was turned to profile, talking with Jessica Royce, one of the Plastics. Justin was exceptionally handsome with a tall, baseball player physique clothed in expensive jeans and shoes. The kind of guy the old me would have noticed the first time I’d walked into the classroom, instead of weeks later. That Willow would’ve taken a seat as close to him as possible and asked him what the homework assignment was, even if I’d already written it down.