The Sinner

“And that is what you want, Lucy Dennings? A man who would die for you?”

I thought he was joking but when I glanced up, his gaze was deadly serious.

“I don’t need anything that extreme,” I said with a small laugh, ignoring how my heart was beating a little bit faster. “But the intensity of that kind of lo

ve, the kind of love where you feel lost without the other person. Where your strengths bolster each other’s weaknesses. Where you grow and are made better by loving them and being loved… Yes, I want that. And now that I’m saying it out loud, I realize I’m drawn to love stories because there’s something in them that I recognize or connect to, despite never having been in love myself.”

Holy moly, I hadn’t spoken that much in a long time…and especially not my innermost feelings. I glanced up, expecting Casziel to be annoyed with my girlish musings, but he was hanging on every word. My pulse thudded even louder.

“My point is, in those books, you feel all the emotions and you fall in love along with the characters. And yes, you hope that kind of soul-deep romance happens to you too. That’s part of the fantasy—that anything’s possible. But until then, what’s wrong with living in someone else’s happiness for a little while?”

Casziel had nothing to say to that as we approached the department store. Maybe I’d gotten through to him after all. I inhaled slowly and let it out. My face didn’t feel so hot anymore, and my shoulders came down from my ears.

So that’s what standing up for myself feels like.

I liked it. I liked it a lot.

“What about you?” Casziel asked after a minute.

“What about me?”

“Where is your happiness, Lucy? Where is your billionaire mobster? The man on the phone this morning? Is he your hero?”

“Cole is only a friend. My best friend.”

“You told him you loved him,” he said stiffly.

“Because I do,” I said. “But it’s not a romantic kind of love. He’s an artist studying on the other side of the world.” I shot the demon a hard glance. “And he’s gay.”

“What is that death glare for?”

“You know what for.”

He laid a hand to his chest, affronted. “Don’t look at me. Stoking certain prejudices is Nadroc’s domain and he’s considered a tremendous asshole, even among my kind.”

“Good. Because, honestly, I don’t think I could help you find redemption if you have a hand in things like homophobia or racism.”

He smirked. “But inciting humans to war is forgivable?”

“There are hundreds of reasons humans fight each other,” I said. “Are you responsible for all of them?”

“Well…no.”

“Sometimes war is necessary to stop evil. And besides, it’s not up to me if you’re worthy of forgiveness,” I said as we waited for the light to change at the corner. “But the fact you’re here, seeking it in the first place, means something. It means a lot.”

A short silence fell, and the current or strange connection running between us hummed louder.

“I find it difficult to believe you have never been in love, Lucy Dennings,” Casziel said finally. “Given your obvious capacity for it.”

“Not yet.” I glanced down at my shoes, my cheeks warming. “But I like to think I have a potential office romance situation, like in the books. There’s a guy at my job. I’ve had a crush on him forever…”

I glanced up and recoiled at Casziel’s expression. He was no longer hanging on my every word but looked almost angry.

“Anyway, never mind. We should be focusing on you, not me.” I arched a brow at him. “Hate to break it to you, but you need a lot of work.”

He sniffed a grudging laugh.

“I don’t know where to start,” I said, “but it has to be something monumental. Powerful. And there is only one thing powerful enough to redeem you in the ten days you have left.”