I took a step back. “No. Tell me the truth. What is going on?”
“I never meant for any of this to happen to you. Please. Sit down. I’ll explain everything.”
“You will?”
“I will. But the truth is not going to be easy for you to hear.”
I backed up all the way to my bed and sat down hard. “Okay,” I said warily. “Tell me.”
The demon kneeled at my feet, and the longing in his eyes drew me in until I wanted to sink to the floor with him, wrap my arms around him, hold him and be held by him.
“Gods, Lucy…”
“What is happening?” I asked, suddenly on the verge of tears. “Why do I feel this way? Everything about this is so strange and scary, and yet…”
He reached up, both hands cupping my face, softly. Reverently. Holding me as if I were precious to him. “And yet?”
“I know you…don’t I?”
His head bowed, his eyes fell shut. When he opened them again, they were filled with pain. Grief. It called out and something inside me answered. I gasped, my heart pounding so hard, I thought it would break. For what I never had.
No. For what I had and then lost…
“Tell me,” I whispered. “Who am I? Who are we to each other?”
Casziel’s lips parted, and he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Forgive me, Lucy. Somewhere in those dreams of yours, I hope you can forgive me.”
“What? Wait—”
He touched his thumb to my skin where I could still feel the warmth of his lips.
“Ñeštug u-lu.”
The TV’s volume was on low, its light flickering in my darkened apartment. My clock radio said it was after three in the morning. I was still wearing that ridiculous dress, but the bedcovers were tucked around me. Makeup smeared my pillow. I sat up slowly. My head felt heavy, as if I’d gotten drunk after all.
“Cas?”
No answer. I climbed out of bed. The couch was empty and the window that Casziel always kept open was shut. Something nipped at the corner of my mind, but I couldn’t grasp it. I couldn’t recall leaving the bar or how I got home. The last thing I remembered was Guy singing to me and telling me I was beautiful…
“The plan is working.”
The words sounded hollow. Empty. But Cas needed the plan to work. To save his soul.
What about mine?
I washed all the makeup off my face, brushed my teeth, and changed into my sleep T-shirt and sweatpants. I wanted Casziel to come back. I wanted Casziel to come back more than I wanted Guy to think I was beautiful. That was the only truth I had.
I opened the window.
Fifteen
I slam open the door to the back room at Idle Hands. The gust of wind from my wings makes the black candlelight flicker but does nothing to lessen Ashtaroth’s stench.
“We had a deal,” I seethe.
“Watch yourself, boy,” the demon lord snarls, his hand resting on the sword strapped to his waist. The serpent coiled around the settee narrows its black eyes at me in warning. “You are to kneel before your master.”
I ignore the command. “Every night I pay you in blood and pain. Every night. And in return—”