The Sinner

“See anything you might like?”

Cas cocked his head. “Schitt’s Creek?”

“This is the best show ever. I’ve seen the entire series three times over.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s special to me. It’s special to a lot of people. Hilarious but so sweet too.” I moved through the episodes. “It’s about a wealthy family who loses everything and learns to love and appreciate what they have in each other, that they’re rich in all the ways that really count. Then in season three, David meets Patrick and oh my God… Their love story is so beautiful.”

I glanced down to see Casziel looking up at me, and I laughed self-consciously. “I know, I know. Me and my romance. But I just love this show so much. You interested?”

He shrugged, and I turned on a random episode, mostly to fill the silence between us. It was the one where Johnny dreams of how the Rose family’s life used to be before they lost all their money.

Of course, I had to pick the dream episode.

I thought I caught a whiff of pipe smoke and steeled myself.

“Do we live more than one lifetime?” I blurted.

Cas faltered for a split second. No one would have noticed it but me. A small tightening of his mouth. A blink, then gone again.

“No. As the poet said, you have only one wild and precious life.” He smiled, though it looked forced. Pained. “And that is the question, Lucy Dennings. What will you do with the rest of your one life after I’m gone?”

“I-I don’t know,” I said, his last words like a chill wind running through me. “Give my presentation on Monday. Hopefully, the team will take it up and we’ll rid the oceans of more plastic. Though it’s sort of like trying to bail out the Titanic with a spoon. In thirty years, there will be more plastic in the water than fish. Ninety percent of seabirds have consumed some kind of plastic waste. Ninety percent. It’s heart-breaking.”

“A tragedy.”

I knocked his shoulder. “It is a tragedy. And most people would agree, but the problem is so big, it’s hard to grasp the enormity of it.”

“And you will dedicate your life to showing them how,” Cas said, his eyes on the TV. “You will marry Guy and produce children and save the world together.”

“That’s a little presumptuous,” I said, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. “I mean…I don’t know what’s going to happen at the wedding tomorrow or beyond. Honestly, I’m only going along with our plan for your sake.”

His head whipped to me. “My sake? What of yours? What of your romantic fantasies? You’ve loved Guy from afar for years—”

“I haven’t loved him. I had a crush on him, but I don’t really know him. The idea of him is stronger than the reality.”

“But we’ve broken the ice, so to speak. He serenaded you at the singing bar. He is eager to see you tomorrow. You’ll soon get to know him and see that he’s a good man.”

I frowned. “How do you know that?”

“His demons are weak. His light is bright. He is a man worthy of you, Lucy Dennings.”

I didn’t know what to say. Except that Guy was far from my thoughts and all I could think of was the ticking clock that was going to take Casziel away from me.

“What if I don’t want Guy at all? What if I want…something else?”

Cas stiffened. “What else do you want?”

I heaved a breath. “I had another lucid dream, like the Japan and Russia dreams I told you about before.”

“Okay.”

Be brave. Be brave.

I relayed the dream of the woman and her warrior. How I felt the love and desire between them. When I was finished, Cas’s eyes watched me in the glow of the TV for a long moment, his face impassive.

“And?” he said finally, his tone like a locked door.