The Sinner
Page 85
yself to care.
“Fake it ‘til you make it,” I muttered on the subway.
If Guy wanted to take me out of my silly little life, I’d let him. There was nothing for me here. And while I knew I’d never feel anything real for him, he was better than more loneliness. More solitude.
You don’t have nothing, pumpkin, Dad insisted. You have you.
And what was I? I had no clue. But I could give this presentation and clean plastic off a beach and maybe do some good in the world.
At Ocean Alliance, I headed straight for Guy’s office.
“Hey, Luce, what’s up?” he asked. Maybe it was my imagination, but his smile felt forced, and he had a hard time looking at me.
“Um, well we have a lot of details to work out for Sri Lanka. Don’t we?”
“Sri Lanka?”
“Yeah. What we talked about on Saturday. At the wedding.”
He cocked his head, his face scrunched up. “What did we talk about?”
I tensed all over. “You don’t remember.”
“Oh shit. Did I get drunk and say something inappropriate?” He frowned. “Funny, I don’t remember drinking at all. Sorry, Luce, what did I say?”
Either he was the greatest actor in the world, or his confusion was genuine. My stomach twisted and I recalled the strange smell and the breath mints, the weird emptiness in his eyes…
“Oh my God…”
“Shit, Luce, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened but if I gave you the wrong idea—”
“You didn’t,” I said quickly. “We were talking about logistics. That’s all.”
“Really?”
I managed a smile while inwardly, I felt like puking. “Yep, really. You asked me if I’d help calculate supply arrival times and I said yes.”
“Oh.” Guy blew out a laugh. “Well…great! That’s such a relief. I’d hate to think I might’ve been a dick.”
No, you were just possessed.
The ramifications slid deeper. There was no Sri Lanka. No happily ever after for me, pretend or otherwise.
“But you still look a little shell-shocked.” Guy’s smile softened into something like pity. “Does this have something to do with Abby’s video?”
“What video?”
“Listen, Luce. I think it’s sweet, and I’m flattered. But I have a strict no-dating-coworkers policy. Keeps me out of trouble—”
“What video?”
“It’s nothing. She’s been playing matchmaker between us, I think. Silly, really.”
“Silly.” A heavy ball of something ugly settled in my stomach. “I don’t understand. Is it your song from karaoke night?”
Guy’s confused expression returned, and my stomach clenched all over again.
He has no idea what I’m talking about.