“You were with me in Japan and Russia, weren’t you? In the other lifetimes?”
He nodded. “Always from afar, wanting to make sure you were safe.”
“My guardian angel, a demon.”
He arched a brow. “I believe the term you hated was bodyguard.”
I laughed. “You probably could’ve been a bodyguard-with-benefits in any of those lifetimes. But you weren’t.”
“No. It would’ve been wrong, to be with you like that.” He held up a hand when I gave him a smart look. “Yes, I have perpetrated deception after deception upon you, but that would’ve been unforgiveable. To use you when I had our history and you didn’t.”
“Or maybe it would’ve given me dreams. The same sense of us knowing each other that I’ve had this entire time.”
“Perhaps. I couldn’t risk it. Back then my appetite for blood and death was sharp. It’s since dulled and now I’m just weary.”
I opened my mouth to ask him what it meant to return to that existence under Ashtaroth, but Cas shook his head and put a finger to my lips, then leaned over and kissed me. The kiss turned deeper, more dire. I had thought my body would never again be ready, but I ached for him in every way.
I stood up, the bathwater running over my body in rivulets. Cas’s gaze drank me in, and I never felt more beautiful or at home in my own skin. I didn’t need Casziel to complete me; his love showed me that I was already whole.
The water drained out. He wrapped a soft towel around me and lifted me onto the bathmat. He took his time, running the cloth over my body leaving my skin warm and dry.
Then he took me to bed.
The hours melted away—too rapidly—as the storm grew fierce outside, the rain battering the windows. Inside raged our own personal storm of anguish and love, ecstasy and despair, as each touch, each kiss, each thrust of his perfect body inside me took us closer to goodbye.
Finally, we lay in the quiet of my place, letting the storm howl for us. My head pillowed on his shoulder, my arm draped across his chest, and him holding me tightly. It was after one in the afternoon, and I was drifting toward sleep.
“Cas? I need to ask you a question.”
“Anything.”
“Where is my mother?”
I braced myself for a hard answer, but he said softly, “She’s with you. She’s always with you.”
“But not like my dad.”
I felt him nod. “How to best describe it… Each human has his or her own family of loved ones, though they’re not always related by blood.”
“Like a team?”
“Yes, a team. And they’re with you through every lifetime, though the positions change, each member taking lesser or greater roles.”
“They sit on the bench or they’re your starting player.”
He nodded. “In many lifetimes, you and your mother were very close. In others, one of you stepped back. But never away. Never away.”
“They’re just in the next room,” I murmured and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Thank you, Cas.”
I couldn’t afford to lose a minute of our dwindling time together, but I was growing sleepier. When his time was up, I intended to do…something. I didn’t know what, but I wasn’t just going to let him walk out the door and into Ashtaroth’s waiting arms.
Casziel kissed my forehead, each cheek, one eyelid then the other. I felt myself drift down. I fought it, but the current was too strong.
“I want to sleep for just a little bit. Just a little. But I want the rest of us. Will you show me?”
“I will.”
“All of it. Our last night, too. Don’t protect me from it, Cas. I’m not afraid.”