The Sinner

I started to protest but she cut me off.

“I feel fine. And you are brilliant. This is historic.” Lucy wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. “It’s going to be okay, Cas. Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay.”

I held her tight. “How do you know?”

“I don’t. I just have to trust that our angels are watching.”

“Lucy…”

“Go, or you’ll miss your plane and I’ll be late to my meeting.” She kissed me again. Softly but with her own deep strength pouring in. “We can’t put our lives on hold out of fear.”

I nodded reluctantly. It had been a year and a half since our wedding, and I loved my wife more and more every day. Watching her suffer through a miscarriage had ripped my heart to shreds twice over—once for her and once for me. But she reminded me that we had to go through the hard stuff to make the good all the richer and that even the most precious things don’t always stay as long as we like them too.

I kissed her a final time and dragged my rolling suitcase out the door of our Midtown apartment, leaving her at her desk by the window overlooking the Park. After the resounding success of their athletic shoe campaign, Lucy and Jana had opened their own company dedicated solely to sustainable apparel. I could not have been prouder of Lucy, working tirelessly to make real and lasting change for the good of the planet. She’d proven herself to be stronger and braver than I’d ever imagined, facing life’s obstacles—and heartaches—with courage and love that never wavered. But each step away from her that morning felt like a betrayal. Or a horrible mistake.

Three hours later, I was waiting in line at airport security when a sense of urgency clenched my heart. I caught a whiff of pipe smoke in the sanitized airport air.

“Lucy…”

I shoved my way back through the line, fumbling for my phone while leaving a trail of curses and dirty looks behind me. I called her number. No answer.

“Fuck.”

I was pacing in the Uber pick up area when a text came in from Jana—a string of panicked words that struck me like bullets.

Lucy’s at the OBGYN. Something’s happened. She was bleeding. I can’t be there I’m upstate come quickly.

“Oh fuck, no,” I breathed. “No, please not again.”

The Uber came and I redirected the driver to Dr. D’Onofrio’s office, the woman who had guided us through one agonizing loss already.

“Lucy Abisare,” I told the woman at reception. “I’m her husband.”

Her smile scraped at me like glass. “Oh yes, go right in. Exam room three.”

I burst into the room and my heart ripped in half to see Lucy on the exam table. A paper sheet covered the lower half of her body, and one hand covered her eyes as she sobbed.

“Lucy.” I rushed to her, took her free hand, and pressed the back of it to my lips. “Oh, my beloved. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She was shaking her head, hardly able to speak. “Two babies.”

“I know,” I said angrily, my own cheeks wet with tears. “I know and you’re so brave. So goddamn brave.”

“No, it’s two babies,” she managed through sobs. She uncovered her eyes to look at me, and I realized she wasn’t grimacing in pain; she was smiling. “Cas…I thought they were going to tell me there were no babies but there are two babies.”

I stared, my mouth ajar. “But…you were bleeding…”

“The doctor says it can happen. But I’m okay. They’re okay.”

I shook my head, disbelieving. “Are you sure?”

Lucy nodded and pressed her forehead to mine. “Two babies, Cas. I think they’re the ones we lost… I think they came back.”

“Oh my God.” I couldn’t stop my own tears from mingling with hers as I kissed her. “Twins. We’re going to have twins?”

“Yes, indeed.” Dr. D’Onofrio breezed into the room. “Congratulations, Cas.” She gestured to the grainy black and white ultrasound on the wall monitor. “This is baby number one.” She pointed out an indistinct blob in a little cavern of my wife’s womb. “And this is baby number two.”

A surge of joy tried to find me and hit a brick wall. “But Lucy…she’s okay?”