Bring Down the Stars

“That’s sweet of you to say.” I sniffed a laugh and wiped my eyes. “And you do say the sweetest things. Sometimes.”

“But not enough?”

I smiled, cradling the phone closer. “Well…”

“I have a lot to say. I just wish it didn’t take me so long to find my voice.”

“It’s worth waiting for. And worth getting into bed for,” I heard myself add.

The gruff whisper of his voice deepened. “If only.”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing. I just miss you.”

“Me too, but…” I swallowed hard. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s the time to tell you this…”

“Tell me everything.”

“It hurt when I didn’t hear from you after we spent the night together.”

“I know it did.” He heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, Autumn.”

“It’s funny, but when we’re talking on the phone right now? Or texting? I feel so close to you. I feel closer to you than when I’m actually with you.”

“I know.”

“You told me you don’t always know what to say, but—”

“I always know what to say,” he said. “Always. But I can’t say it. Like I’m drunk when I’m with you. I’m drunk off of you and then I…I don’t know. I have to step back. And it takes a cold shower of reality to slap some sense into me.”

“I love everything you’re saying now,” I said softly. “But I’m scared.”

“I know. I am too.”

“You are?”

“Sure. Of fucking this up. Of hurting you. I don’t want to hurt you, Autumn. I just want you to be happy. That’s it. End of story.”

My breath became a little shallower. My heart beat a little faster.

“I don’t want to hurt you either,” I said. “Or ask more than you can give, but a part of me wishes you’d share this side of yourself with the world. I know your parents put so much pressure on you.”

“Yeah,” he said. “They do.”

A yawn I couldn’t stop came over me.

“You should sleep,” he said.

“I’ve lost all sense of time. Feels like ages since Mom called me,” I said. “Thank you again. And tell Weston thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being there for me at the bakery. He took care of me when I was freaking out.”

“He has his moments.”

I closed my eyes to the sense memories of the dream. Closing my eyes and falling into Connor’s kiss. Opening my eyes and falling out of Weston’s kiss.