He shrugged. “Different people.”
I held his gaze a moment, absorbing this. “But Boot Camp is over and now everything’s back to normal?”
“Nothing is normal anymore.”
This time, when the tears came, I let them fall.
“And it won’t be again, will it? I’m scared about what you two will see or have to do. I’m scared it’ll erase Connor’s smile. I’m scared of what will happen to me, waiting here for you to come back. But you will come back, Weston. Both of you. You have to.”
It was on me then. Wave after wave. I covered my face with my hands, drowning in it. A scrape of chair legs and Weston was lifting me to my feet, pulling me against his chest. I buried my face in his shirt, grabbed two tight fists of his jacket. He stroked my hair as I both pushed into the fear and clenched my hands to pull it apart.
“I’m sorry, Autumn,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
In between the ragged sobs, I inhaled the potent scent of him. Just like the morning when I put on his shirt by mistake, it overwhelmed me. Filling up my nose and throat and chest until all at once, my tears were burnt up on a flush of dry heat that swept through my entire body.
I leaned back in the circle of his arms and looked up, falling into his ocean eyes. His hands rose to cup my face, thumbs brushing along my wet cheekbones.
Just like in the dream.
He held me as if I were the most precious thing he’d ever touched with his calloused hands and scarred knuckles. He swallowed hard and his Adam’s apple bobbed over the collar of his black shirt. Then he gently let me go.
“Connor’s just as scared,” he said. “I’m not excusing him, but believe me when I say it’s not his fault.”
I nodded, and took a deep breath. Wiped my eyes. “I’m done here. Drive me home?”
“Can’t,” Weston said. “I sold my piece of shit.”
“For a loaf of bread?”
He grinned out of the corner of his mouth. “Something like that. How about a walk?”
So we walked home in the falling twilight. I shivered in the late winter’s cold and Weston shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over my shoulders. I closed my eyes at the heady scent of him and his residual body heat in the collar and sleeves. Opened them to gaze at him walking beside me, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
He’s beautiful. And he’s scared.
I linked my arm in his. “To keep you warm,” I told him.
His eyes widened and he slowly stopped walking.
“What?” I said.
His silent gaze roamed over my face, my hair, squinting at the sun setting behind me, taking it all in.
“Nothing,” he said. “I just… Nothing.”
We resumed walking in comfortable silence. I welcomed it this time. I was out of words. I only wanted to walk with my friend whom I loved.
I do. I love Weston. And I’m losing him, too.
“Connor’s family is throwing us a goodbye party,” Weston said at my front door. “In two days.”
I gave his jacket back, and hugged myself in the chilly air, holding my emotions in check. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll try to make it to Connor’s party. The one that you are inviting me to.”
Weston chuckled. “He will call and tell you himself.”
I smirked. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“Will you come?”